meadowlark: inbox.

[evite]

@daisy.johnson | ■ ▲ ◌ ▼

Comments

[kgbs]

[ there are many reasons, daisy. several novels worth. ]

I'm listening.

[evite]

you don't get to do that
answer the question

[kgbs]

Which one?

[evite]

what do you want me to say, illya?
do you want me to say yes?

[kgbs]

I want you to be honest.

[evite]

when do you think i stopped?
i've never lied to you
now answer my question

[kgbs]

I just did. I want you to be honest. That is my answer. I am not making your decision for you.

[evite]

i'm not asking you to make a decision for me, and i don't need you to spoonfeed me my opinions
god you are the most infuriatingly stubborn man i've ever met

[ and that's why she likes you. ]

you told someone we weren't
do you think this is a mistake?

[kgbs]

[ angry russian cursing. ]

I told someone we weren't because she asked while I was trying to get suggestions on where to take you when you were recovered and it was not her business.

[ god, he'd almost used an exclamation point. and now his attempt at a surprise was ruined. ]

Do you have any other questions now?

[evite]

yes
do you think this is a mistake?

[ bulldog biting down, she won't — can't — let it go ]

[kgbs]

Why would I think that?

[ this is exhausting. ]

No, I do not think it's a mistake before you give me a list of reasons why.

[evite]

then stop asking me to put a ridiculous label on this that no one's even said in a hundred years
you know how i feel about you

[ does he?????????????????? ]

[kgbs]

[ he does? ]

I do?

[evite]

[ .............................................. ]

you do.

[kgbs]

No, I don't.

[ OBVIOUSLY. ]

[evite]

let me ask you this first
what do you think we are?

[kgbs]

No.
You don't get to do that.
You don't get to ask all the questions and not answer any of your own.

[evite]

i've told you a million times over how i felt, illya
if you're not listening, how is that my fault?

[kgbs]

Fine, then.

[ and that's all he sends because this is frustrating and he doesn't know what else to do. ]

[evite]

so is that it?
you just bail?

[ what the fuck what the fuck ]

[kgbs]

We are talking in circles and nothing is getting accomplished. So yes, I am just bailing as you say.

[ angry russian cursing. ]

[evite]

fine.

[ and there goes all the anger, replaced by the sinking feeling of sorrow. there's that loss she was expecting. dreading, even. ]

you can tell your mystery friend you don't need their suggestions, then.
or maybe you can take her instead.

[kgbs]

I don't want to take her.

[ rey would say no anyway. ]

I have been honest with you. I do not know what else you want.

[evite]

[ she doesn't know what to say. ]

it's fine, illya
don't worry about it anymore

[ it doesn't matter what she wants, anyway. not anymore, apparently. ]

[kgbs]

Anymore?

[ he frowns, unsure if he likes how that sounds. no, he knows he doesn't like how that sounds. ]

Am I going somewhere where it won't matter?