[ when posts go up on the network, daisy usually watches them. she doesn't always contribute — doesn't always want to publicly call out her own opinions, not when being anonymous isn't an option — but she almost always reads.
she's watching one thread in particular when the sound of woman-on-plant violence echoes out through the apartment. ]
[ look, it's fine. sometimes you just need to have a violent outburst in the privacy of your own home while people are elsewhere doing stupid shit just to annoy you. daisy gets it.
she gives jyn a few moments to corral her thoughts in relative quiet, the sound of the vacuum a low roar between them while she picks up the dirt and cacti parts and smaller shards of broken clay from the ground. the bigger pieces have to be picked up by hand, but she manages. ]
[ it's quiet and she hasn't moved from her spot against the wall, so maybe she doesn't know. if she wasn't jyn fucking erso maybe she wouldn't realize the inaccuracy of the words, but there are a lot of not jyn ersos out there reading that shit and maybe thinking that they're doing it wrong.
and it's bantha shit. ]
Some people can't leave. [ this is getting dangerously close to the one thing she doesn't want to talk to daisy about but. ] Telling them they're wrong isn't going to help anyone.
[ not about jyn, specifically, but about other people. people who have come from trauma and horrible worlds and places where they were as good as dead if not outright on their way to being six feet under. she thinks about illya, going back to the cold war; she thinks about prompto, going back to a world where his friends were surely going to die; she thinks about herself, knowing even the vague spoilers she does about the future she'll be forced to live.
she doesn't want to, and she doesn't think she should have to make that choice if she doesn't want to. ]
Telling people we should want answers isn't wrong. But it's not the only thing people are allowed to do. It's not wrong to just want to take advantage of a second chance.
[ jyn sits in the closet sometimes because when the sun is bright in the sky and beaming through the huge windows in their apartment, it feels as blindingly bright and hot as the wave of light bearing down upon them on the beach and the closet is the easiest escape.
her own little cave in her own home. ]
Maybe that is all our second chance is meant to be for.
[ clearly jyn is only meant to sacrifice herself again for the greater good, only to be forgotten once more since none of them really exist here. ]
[ said firmly, though the words aren't meant to be unkind. life is for more than self-sacrifice, no matter how noble, and while jyn hasn't been particularly open about the life she's lived back wherever she came from, daisy's gotten bits and pieces from cassian along the way.
a name on a memorial is still more than jyn gets, and that's hardly fair. she deserves a full life, even if she had to be kidnapped to another world to get it. ]
You're allowed to take advantage of the chances you get. That's all chances are. You take them and make the most of them until you don't get anymore.
[ jyn looks up at daisy, mouth open slightly in surprise, because that... is what jyn had said. take this chance and the next and the next until the job was done or the chances were spent. ]
I know.
[ she does, she's giving voice to the shitty, self-loathing part of her brain that has tried to tell her she wasn't Good Enough since she was eight, but she doesn't believe it. she hasn't giving up, she's not hiding, no one gets to decide where she puts her hope in the universe. ]
Living is the most rebellious thing you can do. [ her head is not in the sand; she knows the cost, she knows what is at stake, and she gets up every day to say fuck you to the galaxy and continue to live her life. she will not be ruled by uncertainty. ]
When there's no guarantee you're going to keep doing it? Yeah, that sounds about right.
[ she opts to sink down against the wall with jyn, her shoulder bumping against the other girl's.
daisy's never been as face-to-face with her own mortality as jyn has, but she's lived enough. she's nearly died herself, she's seen others die; she's lost friends and people who could have been more than friends to other dimensions and other worlds.
if she was the type of person to crumble in the face of certain doom, she'd be dust in the wind by now. but daisy wasn't, and she hopes jyn isn't either — because just like there's no guarantee of tomorrow, there's no guarantee today is the last day, either.
why give up when you could keep going? ]
I'm sorry about your cactus.
[ and that people who don't know any better continue to say stupid things, even if it's unintentional. ]
[ it was a gift cactus and she killed it in her rush of fury and now she feels bad. she has no doubt his admirer with gift him with another cactus as a romantic overture, but cassian had liked the one with the little flowers and now it is dead. ]
I get what she was trying to say but-- [ her mouth works to explain herself further but nothing comes out and eventually she puffs a sigh, pulling her necklace free of her shirt. it glints in the light from her bedroom and she runs a nail across the carvings across one side. trust in the force. ]
When I was in prison, my cellmate just... gave up one day. Her name was Zorahda and she was beautiful. She was taller than Illya, with this beautiful white fur, and she would grin at the Stormtroopers with huge, black teeth. They didn't let her get away with it, they'd bring her back to the cell and her fur would be red. [ the necklace is twisted between her fingers, eyes unfocused on the floor. ] She only lasted two months. Right before she did it, she asked me what the point was. Of, of working, of surviving, and I couldn't answer her. There was no point. We were all going to die there, no one makes it to the end of a sentence.
If I had come from there to here, I would be giving up, hiding. [ she drops the necklace and looks up with a heavy breath. ] The galaxy has given me so many chances to die, but this is the one chance I've had to live and I do have hope that it'll last.
[ the quiet of the moment could be broken by a laugh, but jyn keeps talking, and suddenly, it feels awkward to laugh about a joke that wasn't said. ]
It will. [ there's a certainty to the two words that might be hard to believe, but if daisy believes anything, it's that good endings can be possible. if she can survive the hell of the last five years, she can survive anything — and by now, she's learned how to survive kicking and screaming, fists tight around those she has to drag into the light with her. if it's up to her, they'll survive, no matter what it takes. ] We'll figure it out, you know?
[ she knows, without having to ask, that fitz and bobbi and strange and others are working on the Solution. how to get home, how to get things back to normal, how to right the cosmic wrongs that have been done to people by putting the puzzle pieces back where they came from. but daisy also knows, thanks to illya and gaby and now jyn too, that what one person might want as a solution won't necessarily be one for others.
they can't just put things back where they came from. they have to give people the choice. to stay, to go, to go elsewhere if it comes down to it. ]
That's my hope, anyway. To give people second chances, however they need them.
[ jyn appreciates the lack of pity, that daisy accepts the story for what it is, and doesn't try to go back and fix a past that can't be fixed. it happened, jyn's moved on, it's done with. but it's part of a life that colors all her choices.
it's context, she supposes. ]
Someone once told me that rebellions are built on hope.
[ she leans a little to nudge daisy's shoulder, grateful to have found this friend. or been found, like a stray.
I'm not an expert on rebellion, but that sounds right.
[ maybe daisy's more of an expert than she realizes. but shield had never been labeled rebellious. no one had ever led her into a war or encouraged her to resist overwhelming opposition. instead, it had just been the daily grind, the never-ending quest to be the good guys in a world that seemed to have an unending supply of questionable enemies to conquer.
cut off one head, two more appear, blah blah blah. ]
If you don't have hope, what's the point of fighting?
I thought... maybe we'd get to rest? I was born in a war and I-- I'm tired.
[ but she can't rest and that is the worst bit. she can't sit by and watch this world fall apart the way hers had. that is why she told peggy she would join morningstar. ]
[ the laugh jyn breathes out is more of a huff of air than anything, but a tiny smile touches her face and that's more than she was capable of before. ]
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no subject
she's watching one thread in particular when the sound of woman-on-plant violence echoes out through the apartment. ]
Do I need to get the vacuum?
[ this is fine dot gif ]
no subject
[ oh hey it's like when daisy asked her about the person from jakku that one time and jyn refused to answer. good times.
after another minute, ]
Maybe.
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[ look, it's fine. sometimes you just need to have a violent outburst in the privacy of your own home while people are elsewhere doing stupid shit just to annoy you. daisy gets it.
she gives jyn a few moments to corral her thoughts in relative quiet, the sound of the vacuum a low roar between them while she picks up the dirt and cacti parts and smaller shards of broken clay from the ground. the bigger pieces have to be picked up by hand, but she manages. ]
It's not giving up, for the record.
[ you didn't have to tell her. ]
no subject
[ it's quiet and she hasn't moved from her spot against the wall, so maybe she doesn't know. if she wasn't jyn fucking erso maybe she wouldn't realize the inaccuracy of the words, but there are a lot of not jyn ersos out there reading that shit and maybe thinking that they're doing it wrong.
and it's bantha shit. ]
Some people can't leave. [ this is getting dangerously close to the one thing she doesn't want to talk to daisy about but. ] Telling them they're wrong isn't going to help anyone.
no subject
[ not about jyn, specifically, but about other people. people who have come from trauma and horrible worlds and places where they were as good as dead if not outright on their way to being six feet under. she thinks about illya, going back to the cold war; she thinks about prompto, going back to a world where his friends were surely going to die; she thinks about herself, knowing even the vague spoilers she does about the future she'll be forced to live.
she doesn't want to, and she doesn't think she should have to make that choice if she doesn't want to. ]
Telling people we should want answers isn't wrong. But it's not the only thing people are allowed to do. It's not wrong to just want to take advantage of a second chance.
no subject
her own little cave in her own home. ]
Maybe that is all our second chance is meant to be for.
[ clearly jyn is only meant to sacrifice herself again for the greater good, only to be forgotten once more since none of them really exist here. ]
no subject
[ said firmly, though the words aren't meant to be unkind. life is for more than self-sacrifice, no matter how noble, and while jyn hasn't been particularly open about the life she's lived back wherever she came from, daisy's gotten bits and pieces from cassian along the way.
a name on a memorial is still more than jyn gets, and that's hardly fair. she deserves a full life, even if she had to be kidnapped to another world to get it. ]
You're allowed to take advantage of the chances you get. That's all chances are. You take them and make the most of them until you don't get anymore.
no subject
I know.
[ she does, she's giving voice to the shitty, self-loathing part of her brain that has tried to tell her she wasn't Good Enough since she was eight, but she doesn't believe it. she hasn't giving up, she's not hiding, no one gets to decide where she puts her hope in the universe. ]
Living is the most rebellious thing you can do. [ her head is not in the sand; she knows the cost, she knows what is at stake, and she gets up every day to say fuck you to the galaxy and continue to live her life. she will not be ruled by uncertainty. ]
no subject
[ she opts to sink down against the wall with jyn, her shoulder bumping against the other girl's.
daisy's never been as face-to-face with her own mortality as jyn has, but she's lived enough. she's nearly died herself, she's seen others die; she's lost friends and people who could have been more than friends to other dimensions and other worlds.
if she was the type of person to crumble in the face of certain doom, she'd be dust in the wind by now. but daisy wasn't, and she hopes jyn isn't either — because just like there's no guarantee of tomorrow, there's no guarantee today is the last day, either.
why give up when you could keep going? ]
I'm sorry about your cactus.
[ and that people who don't know any better continue to say stupid things, even if it's unintentional. ]
no subject
[ it was a gift cactus and she killed it in her rush of fury and now she feels bad. she has no doubt his admirer with gift him with another cactus as a romantic overture, but cassian had liked the one with the little flowers and now it is dead. ]
I get what she was trying to say but-- [ her mouth works to explain herself further but nothing comes out and eventually she puffs a sigh, pulling her necklace free of her shirt. it glints in the light from her bedroom and she runs a nail across the carvings across one side. trust in the force. ]
When I was in prison, my cellmate just... gave up one day. Her name was Zorahda and she was beautiful. She was taller than Illya, with this beautiful white fur, and she would grin at the Stormtroopers with huge, black teeth. They didn't let her get away with it, they'd bring her back to the cell and her fur would be red. [ the necklace is twisted between her fingers, eyes unfocused on the floor. ] She only lasted two months. Right before she did it, she asked me what the point was. Of, of working, of surviving, and I couldn't answer her. There was no point. We were all going to die there, no one makes it to the end of a sentence.
If I had come from there to here, I would be giving up, hiding. [ she drops the necklace and looks up with a heavy breath. ] The galaxy has given me so many chances to die, but this is the one chance I've had to live and I do have hope that it'll last.
no subject
[ the quiet of the moment could be broken by a laugh, but jyn keeps talking, and suddenly, it feels awkward to laugh about a joke that wasn't said. ]
It will. [ there's a certainty to the two words that might be hard to believe, but if daisy believes anything, it's that good endings can be possible. if she can survive the hell of the last five years, she can survive anything — and by now, she's learned how to survive kicking and screaming, fists tight around those she has to drag into the light with her. if it's up to her, they'll survive, no matter what it takes. ] We'll figure it out, you know?
[ she knows, without having to ask, that fitz and bobbi and strange and others are working on the Solution. how to get home, how to get things back to normal, how to right the cosmic wrongs that have been done to people by putting the puzzle pieces back where they came from. but daisy also knows, thanks to illya and gaby and now jyn too, that what one person might want as a solution won't necessarily be one for others.
they can't just put things back where they came from. they have to give people the choice. to stay, to go, to go elsewhere if it comes down to it. ]
That's my hope, anyway. To give people second chances, however they need them.
no subject
it's context, she supposes. ]
Someone once told me that rebellions are built on hope.
[ she leans a little to nudge daisy's shoulder, grateful to have found this friend. or been found, like a stray.
(chirrut would like daisy.) ]
no subject
[ maybe daisy's more of an expert than she realizes. but shield had never been labeled rebellious. no one had ever led her into a war or encouraged her to resist overwhelming opposition. instead, it had just been the daily grind, the never-ending quest to be the good guys in a world that seemed to have an unending supply of questionable enemies to conquer.
cut off one head, two more appear, blah blah blah. ]
If you don't have hope, what's the point of fighting?
no subject
I thought... maybe we'd get to rest? I was born in a war and I-- I'm tired.
[ but she can't rest and that is the worst bit. she can't sit by and watch this world fall apart the way hers had. that is why she told peggy she would join morningstar. ]
Don't tell Illya I murdered his plant.
no subject
[ in your giant comfy bed that they literally stole together. ]
I'll keep your plant secret.
[ and the other one. ]
no subject
Thanks. Come on, you never tried this bed out.
[ they're napping together. ]