[ sounds like something a dying best friend would say.
it isn't that jyn disbelieves daisy, it is simply that outside of new amsterdam literally all her friends are dead. there is too much loss in her past for the reassurances to do much to settle the craggy spikes of anxiety that seem to punctuate every step.
she makes a noise of acknowledgment, terse, and carefully navigates daisy through the apartment, down the hall, into the lift that whirs softly as it carries them down to the ground floor. stan has abandoned his concierge desk to help support daisy when the lift doors open, mostly to lead them through sam's open front doors and into the waiting taxi hovering by the entrance. jyn had obviously called down the moment she and daisy started moving and while both men look concerned, neither of them voice those concerns, closing the door once both women are settled into the cab.
jyn inputs a close enough address before the car pulls out and into the sky. ]
Do you want me to tell Illya?
[ maybe she will ignore the injuries that are looming between them like the ghostly spectre of jyn's fear. ]
[ she doesn't want him to worry — and he would, upon hearing the extent of her injuries. she also doesn't want him to panic and rush to the safehouse when she'll be inside a mediunit for the foreseeable future. it'll be better if she waits. she can tell him herself, in person, and see how he takes it.
plus, she's pretty sure he's still mad at her. ]
Just. Try not to be mad at him. For me.
[ because she knows. jyn holds a grudge like it's a damn olympic sport, and jyn had always been on her side. but daisy hadn't been in the right, either, and she doesn't want the two people she cares about most at odds. ]
[ jyn doesn't answer if only because it stopped being about jyn being mad at illya for hurting daisy about the time daisy had vanished and started being about the realization that illya and jyn aren't really friends. her own fault, but it still stung realizing that their relationship was built around someone else. illya left daisy, there was nothing (is nothing) to stop him from flouncing on jyn as well.
shockingly, keeping people around doesn't work when you keep them at arm's length. jyn made her bed and now she has to lay in it, but also she can be angry with illya for something she has wrought.
[ jyn already knows what happened between daisy and illya, so the only reasonable context is what happened that she doesn't know about. what happened while daisy went home.
it's the question she could have expected, but didn't really want to answer. ]
A lot. [ there's evident exhaustion in the answer. ] I don't... know how to explain it all. We went to — the future, I guess? Not this future, a different one. I apparently blew up the Earth with my powers in that ... timeline, so the future was in space. Like on a space station, not on a moon or Mars or Jupiter or anything. But it was a shit future, run by these fucking alien scumbags, the Kree —
[ daisy has told jyn about the kree. about her own heritage, part alien but to what percentage unknown. about her mother. she has not told anyone about hive, about being possessed, about nearly sacrificing herself for some alien reincarnation of her nazi ex-boyfriend. it's just not great conversation. ]
They, uh. They put an inhibitor in my head, to stop my powers. So they could auction me off to their alien buddies as a prize. [ she stops for a moment to laugh, but it's strangled, painful. ] "Destroyer of Worlds."
[ the hovercar takes a right, and daisy wavers; there's a look of something pale and nearly green in her expression, but after a moment, she carries on. ]
We made it out of the future. Back to our time, I guess. Fitz... [ her mouth presses together, hesitant; jyn knows of fitz, but not the way he was. not the doctor. ] Fitz took out my inhibitor. Not — I didn't want him to. I thought, if I didn't have my powers, I couldn't destroy the Earth, everything would be fine. But he — he knocked me out, he tied me up, he cut open my head and took it out...
[ her head shakes, just once, as if to ward off the combination of nausea and tears that threaten to come. ]
I guess I needed them, but I just — I can't forgive him for that. And now Coulson's dead and I'm here again, and I ... oh, it doesn't matter, does it? Whatever Illya did, whatever I was mad at him for, it wasn't that. He never hurt me. He'd never do that to me.
in all honesty, jyn's only opinion about fitz has been "well, he's an idiot" ever since he cut into the columns in the dreams, but she tempered that because he was daisy's friend. that indulgence is over.
fuck leopold fitz and the pretentious, self-satisfied horse he rode in on. it takes a lot for her to keep that inside and not interrupt daisy because she can tell this is hard to get out and she doesn't want to make it harder for daisy -- she's had a shit fortnight, and apparently a shit year (or more? she is blonde, it could be more). there's a burning in her throat, bile rising at her disgust for fitz, but she pushes it down, stops herself from touching the scars circling her own wrists when daisy describes her forced surgery.
the way she reaches out, taking daisy's hand and winding their fingers together is automatic, she doesn't think about it even when she gets the wave of pain that makes her head swim and pushes down some of the hot fury she feels on daisy's behalf. she hadn't felt cassian's pain on scarif but it still feels familiar. maybe it is the swell of loss that is more familiar.
it does matter, because it happened, but jyn allows the deflection; she and daisy are alike in that way. it happened, it's over, ignore it. ]
We've got you now.
[ there are no right words for what daisy went through, not even cassian or chirrut could have be able to find the right words, all jyn can do is offer what she is able. herself, their little broken family. they've still got daisy's back. they're still here. ]
[ she doesn't want reassurance, doesn't need psychoanalysis to tell her why she did or didn't want her powers back then vs now, doesn't crave the spotlight or someone to ask her in rapt attention for further details.
right now, all she wants is to breathe, to sink into jyn's embrace with absolute bonelessness, to let her face bury into the crook of her sister's neck and just cry. because it hurts — physically, her whole body aches, a thousand potential broken bones, but it's more than that. it's the ache of betrayal, of a friendship shattered, of unimaginable loss and pain and the almost guilty relief that washed over her as she'd woken up to her friend in a place she'd nearly completely forgotten.
for a long, long while, that's all she does. the hovercar drives, jyn holds her, and daisy weeps, ugly and painful sobs that wrack her sore body, until they pull up to the safehouse where strange is sure to be waiting inside, waiting for their arrival. ]
[ jyn is ill-equipped to offer the comfort daisy deserves, lacking an example for most of her life. saw tried his best but he wasn't a soft hand who held her when she cried. jyn tries her own best, combing her fingers gently through daisy's tangled hair and trying to soften the movement of the car, trying to keep daisy from feeling any more pain.
getting daisy safely out of the car is more of a feat than manoeuvering her into the car in the first place, but jyn manages. ]
Almost there. [ she murmurs something at the end, an endearment of some kind, a pet name in a soft, lilting tongue that is too foreign to be translated. they just have to make it inside and then daisy will be able to rest, inside and then jyn will be able to quell the violent anxiety pressing down on her chest.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
no subject
it isn't that jyn disbelieves daisy, it is simply that outside of new amsterdam literally all her friends are dead. there is too much loss in her past for the reassurances to do much to settle the craggy spikes of anxiety that seem to punctuate every step.
she makes a noise of acknowledgment, terse, and carefully navigates daisy through the apartment, down the hall, into the lift that whirs softly as it carries them down to the ground floor. stan has abandoned his concierge desk to help support daisy when the lift doors open, mostly to lead them through sam's open front doors and into the waiting taxi hovering by the entrance. jyn had obviously called down the moment she and daisy started moving and while both men look concerned, neither of them voice those concerns, closing the door once both women are settled into the cab.
jyn inputs a close enough address before the car pulls out and into the sky. ]
Do you want me to tell Illya?
[ maybe she will ignore the injuries that are looming between them like the ghostly spectre of jyn's fear. ]
no subject
[ she doesn't want him to worry — and he would, upon hearing the extent of her injuries. she also doesn't want him to panic and rush to the safehouse when she'll be inside a mediunit for the foreseeable future. it'll be better if she waits. she can tell him herself, in person, and see how he takes it.
plus, she's pretty sure he's still mad at her. ]
Just. Try not to be mad at him. For me.
[ because she knows. jyn holds a grudge like it's a damn olympic sport, and jyn had always been on her side. but daisy hadn't been in the right, either, and she doesn't want the two people she cares about most at odds. ]
no subject
shockingly, keeping people around doesn't work when you keep them at arm's length. jyn made her bed and now she has to lay in it, but also she can be angry with illya for something she has wrought.
that's fair. ]
What happened?
no subject
it's the question she could have expected, but didn't really want to answer. ]
A lot. [ there's evident exhaustion in the answer. ] I don't... know how to explain it all. We went to — the future, I guess? Not this future, a different one. I apparently blew up the Earth with my powers in that ... timeline, so the future was in space. Like on a space station, not on a moon or Mars or Jupiter or anything. But it was a shit future, run by these fucking alien scumbags, the Kree —
[ daisy has told jyn about the kree. about her own heritage, part alien but to what percentage unknown. about her mother. she has not told anyone about hive, about being possessed, about nearly sacrificing herself for some alien reincarnation of her nazi ex-boyfriend. it's just not great conversation. ]
They, uh. They put an inhibitor in my head, to stop my powers. So they could auction me off to their alien buddies as a prize. [ she stops for a moment to laugh, but it's strangled, painful. ] "Destroyer of Worlds."
[ the hovercar takes a right, and daisy wavers; there's a look of something pale and nearly green in her expression, but after a moment, she carries on. ]
We made it out of the future. Back to our time, I guess. Fitz... [ her mouth presses together, hesitant; jyn knows of fitz, but not the way he was. not the doctor. ] Fitz took out my inhibitor. Not — I didn't want him to. I thought, if I didn't have my powers, I couldn't destroy the Earth, everything would be fine. But he — he knocked me out, he tied me up, he cut open my head and took it out...
[ her head shakes, just once, as if to ward off the combination of nausea and tears that threaten to come. ]
I guess I needed them, but I just — I can't forgive him for that. And now Coulson's dead and I'm here again, and I ... oh, it doesn't matter, does it? Whatever Illya did, whatever I was mad at him for, it wasn't that. He never hurt me. He'd never do that to me.
no subject
in all honesty, jyn's only opinion about fitz has been "well, he's an idiot" ever since he cut into the columns in the dreams, but she tempered that because he was daisy's friend. that indulgence is over.
fuck leopold fitz and the pretentious, self-satisfied horse he rode in on. it takes a lot for her to keep that inside and not interrupt daisy because she can tell this is hard to get out and she doesn't want to make it harder for daisy -- she's had a shit fortnight, and apparently a shit year (or more? she is blonde, it could be more). there's a burning in her throat, bile rising at her disgust for fitz, but she pushes it down, stops herself from touching the scars circling her own wrists when daisy describes her forced surgery.
the way she reaches out, taking daisy's hand and winding their fingers together is automatic, she doesn't think about it even when she gets the wave of pain that makes her head swim and pushes down some of the hot fury she feels on daisy's behalf. she hadn't felt cassian's pain on scarif but it still feels familiar. maybe it is the swell of loss that is more familiar.
it does matter, because it happened, but jyn allows the deflection; she and daisy are alike in that way. it happened, it's over, ignore it. ]
We've got you now.
[ there are no right words for what daisy went through, not even cassian or chirrut could have be able to find the right words, all jyn can do is offer what she is able. herself, their little broken family. they've still got daisy's back. they're still here. ]
the saddest icon i have
right now, all she wants is to breathe, to sink into jyn's embrace with absolute bonelessness, to let her face bury into the crook of her sister's neck and just cry. because it hurts — physically, her whole body aches, a thousand potential broken bones, but it's more than that. it's the ache of betrayal, of a friendship shattered, of unimaginable loss and pain and the almost guilty relief that washed over her as she'd woken up to her friend in a place she'd nearly completely forgotten.
for a long, long while, that's all she does. the hovercar drives, jyn holds her, and daisy weeps, ugly and painful sobs that wrack her sore body, until they pull up to the safehouse where strange is sure to be waiting inside, waiting for their arrival. ]
no subject
getting daisy safely out of the car is more of a feat than manoeuvering her into the car in the first place, but jyn manages. ]
Almost there. [ she murmurs something at the end, an endearment of some kind, a pet name in a soft, lilting tongue that is too foreign to be translated. they just have to make it inside and then daisy will be able to rest, inside and then jyn will be able to quell the violent anxiety pressing down on her chest.
she can't lose daisy. ]