[ she does not shy away from the touch, but there is little in recognition, either. only the quiet sound of someone trying to stifle their own pain, limbs heavy and unwieldy as she lets him pull her upright, her eyes screwed shut as if to block out the bright lights in the lobby as they come closer. ]
I can't — [ and she has to pause for a moment, pulling away in earnest now to be sick on the concrete, but there's nothing to come but spit and water as she hasn't eaten in hours if not days. it is more the churning of her stomach than anything else. ]
[ he's not looking for recognition, exactly, just no fight while he gets her back up to the apartment. she's very limp, not quite deadweight but not very malleable in her pain, though it doesn't stop cassian from doing his best. ]
[ when she pulls back, he knows immediately why in the clench of her neck and jaw, giving her that space as she throws up, but he isn't disgusted or panicked. alarmed, but not because of that - he's been alarmed since she went radio silent. ]
It's fine. [ it's not she's fine or you're fine or anything similar, just that it's fine for the pause. it doesn't stop him from gathering her up again, pulling most of her weight on him. ] Close your eyes, do not look at the light. I am taking you upstairs to home, okay?
[ she is not fine, and even through the haze of sick and exhaustion and drowsiness, daisy appreciates that cassian does not try to compel her to be. he does not try to wash away the legitimacy of how badly she feels by telling her she's fine.
he just tells her, as he always has, that it's okay to not be — and as she always has, she trusts him enough not to have to pretend. ]
[ cassian is very good at telling people they will be fine if it's needed, but he knows how to be realistic and cater his comfort to each individual person. usually it's... fake, but in this case it's very real. figuring out what daisy needs is somehow easy to him now. ]
I am not sure I have much control over that, but I will do my best. And it is not the end of the world if you do.
[ he cannot emphasize enough how little he cares about her getting sick in the elevator, except perhaps making a joke about it. all his worry is churning inside, but he's always been good at hiding what he's feeling - so he'll let that out later, once she is safe inside the apartment. for now he just gently leads her into the elevator, making sure they get on alone - though sam undoubtedly helps on that front too. ]
[ bless sam. daisy makes a mental note to send him a thank you gift. a fruit basket, a futuristic omaha steaks box, something. anything to express her gratitude at not having to make half-nauseous small talk with the upper crust tonight.
but luckily for daisy, she has a good friend in cassian, and they both have a good helper in sam, who ensures the swift elevator ride up is blissfully empty with (by some miracle) no stops at all, and it's not long before the gentle ding announces their arrival on the right floor. ]
I would have puked on the lady from the seventh floor for sure.
[ mrs... something. daisy can't remember her name, but she knows that cloyingly sweet perfume from a mile away. it alone would have been enough to churn her stomach. ]
[ sam will probably beat her to it with his own care package, but they are his favorite residents for a reason. ]
[ he doesn't say anything on the ride up, and not just because he is gathering his thoughts and feelings. he hasn't figured out what else daisy needs from him right now, beyond the support in getting to their home, but she doesn't seem to mind the quiet regardless. he doesn't either. he'd still just so relieved she's back and in seemingly one piece. ]
[ the door pings, and cassian adjusts his grip on her again. ] It would be an improvement on her perfume.
[ it's not a bad scent, it's just too much of a scent. cassian knows her name, obviously, but it's irrelevant to the conversation. ] Last chance to leave your mark on the elevator.
[ joking with daisy is normal, he needs to keep parts of this normal, for both their sakes. ]
[ lips pressed together, daisy offers a small shake of her head. no, but thank you; she'd prefer not to leave acid and bile on the floor of anything right now. more importantly, she'd rather be out of the public space. it would be her luck to puke in the elevator and then be greeted by the unexpected presence of one of their less welcoming neighbors.
the barbie dream house might be the favorites of their doorman, but their arrival wasn't always received with such warmth. some of their neighbors are less than thrilled about letting the unrefined take residence here — even if they can afford it. ]
Inside's better.
[ she feels off-balance, disjointed. there's a slight sheen to her forehead, a sickly wet feeling at the nape of her neck. she's been sweating, as if her body's trying to purge the drugs that have been pumped into her, the ones intended to keep her unconscious during the ride home.
she really just wants to curl up on the couch and — weirdly? she kind of wants to cry. she hasn't really let herself think about why yet. ]
[ they exit the elevator, and their floor is thankfully quiet. they lucked out on that front, daisy and jyn stealing one of the best possible room options. cassian carefully guides daisy down the hall, apartment creeping into sight, but before they get there - ]
Daisy. [ brace yourself, he's about to get a little sappy. at least he's doing it in the quiet of the hallway before she gets slammed by their other two roommates. he probably should have sent a text that he'd found her, but maybe the time between then and now is giving her a chance to regain her bearings before her boyfriend and her sister drown her in their own love. ] I am glad to see you back in one piece. You can rest soon, okay?
[ look, now they're both getting sappy, quiet and tender as she leans a little more into him, her forehead pressing against his shirt. she could stand on her own, surely, but there's something particularly reassuring about leaning into a comforting touch that isn't always offered, about letting cassian take in all of her uncertainty and vulnerability without anyone around.
she doesn't trust him because he's her sister's soulmate. he doesn't want to do this because she's his girlfriend's sister. they lean on each other out of choice, out of mutual respect. because they love each other, in a way that's just between them. ]
[ oh. it's affection. cassian still gets startled by it from jyn, his own girlfriend, so the surprise of daisy leaning into him isn't uncertain or unwelcome, just initial confusion overtaken by pleasantness. ]
[ he still isn't sure how badly she might be injured, though he gets the sense her body isn't full of broken bones. only other traumas. but it's enough to get him to shift, moving towards a gesture that could be a full on hug if daisy wants it, letting her guide through how much she can handle or want of it. he's awkward with hugs, but maybe he's getting better at it. his arms are gentle as they slip around her, hoping he isn't overstepping bounds. ]
Of course. [ it's not a you're welcome because of course he'd come to get her. she is his friend and he cares about her, whenever that evidently happened. that's just how all his new relationships are going to go, he supposes. daisy is his family now too. ]
Edited (LklksdKSDLKF I FORGOT TO FINISH IT) 2020-02-28 01:25 (UTC)
[ comfort is nearly a new word to daisy. each time she allows someone to comfort her, some part of her mind flashes warning signals, awareness that this person might be the next one to disappear on her.
but cassian has never disappeared. from the moment they met, he's been steady, solid, sure. he's been dependable, and so now as he holds her, daisy allows herself to silence that part of her mind and sink into the embrace, pulling him in where his hesitation might keep him back. she wants him to hug her.
she wants to embrace the risk, rather than hide from it. ]
You should tell Jyn to open the door.
[ or they're just going to stand in this hallway the whole night, hugging like fools. ]
[ he literally went in for the hug, she pseudo initiated it herself, but when daisy hugs him in return he is again surprised. maybe one day he'll stop being surprised that people want this from him, or that he somehow has people who would do the same if he asked. daisy is one of them, and he is relieved to have her back. it's remarkably simple. ]
[ he sends the message to jyn, to please come outside and tell illya the same, everything is fine but he found something important. ]
[ if jyn heard cassian she would take her time simply to be contrary but instead she just burst out soon enough, having yelled "ILLYA THERE SOMETHING AT THE DOOR" across the entire apartment.
the door slides open with a whoosh and there are her two favorite people embracing. one looking exactly like she had not one but two invasive and ultimately pointless brain surgeries. ]
Daisy. [ she breathes out her best friend's name like an answered prayer but it is quickly followed by some absolutely foul huttese curses. her hands flutter in front of her uselessly because cassian clearly has daisy well enough in hand so instead of immediately reaching for daisy, jyn steps aside so cassian can bring daisy inside. ]
[ for having had her head cut open and her hair shorn off — which really feels like the worst bit of indignity here, other than the suffering of just straight up having been lied to — daisy is mostly okay. she's wobbly on her feet and a little nauseous here and there, a touch light-headed as she clings to cassian's steady frame, but it doesn't take much extra effort to keep herself upright while they walk the several steps into the living room.
she is all too eager to slump into the comfortable fabric of the couch as soon as the opportunity presents itself. ]
Where's —
[ her hand squeezes, her ring swinging on her finger so that the jewel crown presses into her palm. where is her husband. ]
( everyone is very lucky that he's managed to calm his anger over the past months or he might have broken the door of its hinges. instead, jyn slips out in front of him before he finally stomps out from the bedroom and crosses the room in a few strides.
he sits down and reaches for her, taking her in and immediately feeling that anger reignite. he's able to keep it underneath the surface though, saving it for when it might be needed.
because he is definitely going to kill someone for this. )
[ she feels it. the loss, the fear, the rage that's held at bay just below the surface — it all floods into her as soon as his skin brushes against her own, that familiar blue blooming between them, and for a long moment, all daisy can do is sink into the touch. ]
Hi.
[ she hadn't been gone any longer than she'd planned to. she hadn't disappeared, not really. they'd known she would be gone, and known she would come back — they hadn't expected her to look so weak upon her return, though, or to be so physically affected. ]
( he whispers the words even though there's really no need. everyone in this room knows she's not okay. she will put on a strong front and make sure no one sees any sort of pain or concern that she does not want to see.
[ which must mean he is right because even after fighting and breaking the coffee table, jyn is still unlikely to agree with him just because she is a childish butthead. ]
We've got you, [ she adds, leaning over the side of the couch to kiss daisy's temple and gingerly give her shoulders a squeeze. ]
( he appreciates your support jyn but yes, he agrees that you're a chidlish butthead. )
Do you need some water? Or something to eat? Or...something?
( because while he wants to comfort her, he is also one that does better with something to do, some tangible way to help. she needs this and he tries but he still wants to do more. )
[ they are both buttheads. but they're hers, and while daisy is tangentially aware that the coffee table is missing, she's too wrapped up in enjoying the comfort that's being offered to really care.
she'll yell about it in the morning, and then order a replacement via future amazon prime. ]
Just stay. [ sit down, illya. ] I don't think I could eat anything right now, anyway.
[ to be fair, she did puke before she got in the elevator. cassian was there. ]
( he...sits. it's not easy but he does sit, reaching to curl his hands around one of hers to warm them up. do they need to be warmed? he doesn't know but he's trying to do so anyway. )
All right.
( he nods, looking over at both jyn and cassian. ) What do you need?
[ should she sleep post-brain surgery? it's not like she has a concussion. but she does feel gross, and she's not entirely sure she could manage to stand up for the duration of a shower. ]
[ it is a testament to how actually exhausted daisy is that she does not even waggle a brow at his statement. all she does is nod a bit, turning to rest her head against his shoulder. ]
Will you wake me up later?
[ sure, illya is going to carry her, but the statement is directed to jyn. she wants to have time with everyone. she missed them. more importantly, she feels like she needs to be with them.
she needs a little time with jyn, specifically. she feels like a part of her has died, and who better to understand than someone who's technically dead? ]
[ jyn can feel cassian's nervous energy rolling off him, can feel him fighting the urge to hover so she loops her arm around his, squeezing his forearm. daisy's okay now, he did all the hard work in getting her home. he can chill.
(he cannot chill, cassian andor doesn't do chill.)
the smile she gives daisy is easy, light. ]
Duh. Who else is going to watch the Bachelor with me?
[ certainly not illya and cassian, who judge them for watching this straight garbage. it is sisters garbage, complete with drinking and snacks and aggressive judgement. ]
Go to sleep, loser.
[ the family that drags together, stays together. and right now they need to be the family that all goes to fucking sleep, half together. and daisy needs to go to bed to find the stuffed tooka jyn put under her pillow. ]
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
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I can't — [ and she has to pause for a moment, pulling away in earnest now to be sick on the concrete, but there's nothing to come but spit and water as she hasn't eaten in hours if not days. it is more the churning of her stomach than anything else. ]
Sorry.
[ god, she hates this. ]
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[ when she pulls back, he knows immediately why in the clench of her neck and jaw, giving her that space as she throws up, but he isn't disgusted or panicked. alarmed, but not because of that - he's been alarmed since she went radio silent. ]
It's fine. [ it's not she's fine or you're fine or anything similar, just that it's fine for the pause. it doesn't stop him from gathering her up again, pulling most of her weight on him. ] Close your eyes, do not look at the light. I am taking you upstairs to home, okay?
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he just tells her, as he always has, that it's okay to not be — and as she always has, she trusts him enough not to have to pretend. ]
Don't let me get sick in the elevator.
[ at least not on him. ]
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I am not sure I have much control over that, but I will do my best. And it is not the end of the world if you do.
[ he cannot emphasize enough how little he cares about her getting sick in the elevator, except perhaps making a joke about it. all his worry is churning inside, but he's always been good at hiding what he's feeling - so he'll let that out later, once she is safe inside the apartment. for now he just gently leads her into the elevator, making sure they get on alone - though sam undoubtedly helps on that front too. ]
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but luckily for daisy, she has a good friend in cassian, and they both have a good helper in sam, who ensures the swift elevator ride up is blissfully empty with (by some miracle) no stops at all, and it's not long before the gentle ding announces their arrival on the right floor. ]
I would have puked on the lady from the seventh floor for sure.
[ mrs... something. daisy can't remember her name, but she knows that cloyingly sweet perfume from a mile away. it alone would have been enough to churn her stomach. ]
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[ he doesn't say anything on the ride up, and not just because he is gathering his thoughts and feelings. he hasn't figured out what else daisy needs from him right now, beyond the support in getting to their home, but she doesn't seem to mind the quiet regardless. he doesn't either. he'd still just so relieved she's back and in seemingly one piece. ]
[ the door pings, and cassian adjusts his grip on her again. ] It would be an improvement on her perfume.
[ it's not a bad scent, it's just too much of a scent. cassian knows her name, obviously, but it's irrelevant to the conversation. ] Last chance to leave your mark on the elevator.
[ joking with daisy is normal, he needs to keep parts of this normal, for both their sakes. ]
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the barbie dream house might be the favorites of their doorman, but their arrival wasn't always received with such warmth. some of their neighbors are less than thrilled about letting the unrefined take residence here — even if they can afford it. ]
Inside's better.
[ she feels off-balance, disjointed. there's a slight sheen to her forehead, a sickly wet feeling at the nape of her neck. she's been sweating, as if her body's trying to purge the drugs that have been pumped into her, the ones intended to keep her unconscious during the ride home.
she really just wants to curl up on the couch and — weirdly? she kind of wants to cry. she hasn't really let herself think about why yet. ]
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Daisy. [ brace yourself, he's about to get a little sappy. at least he's doing it in the quiet of the hallway before she gets slammed by their other two roommates. he probably should have sent a text that he'd found her, but maybe the time between then and now is giving her a chance to regain her bearings before her boyfriend and her sister drown her in their own love. ] I am glad to see you back in one piece. You can rest soon, okay?
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[ look, now they're both getting sappy, quiet and tender as she leans a little more into him, her forehead pressing against his shirt. she could stand on her own, surely, but there's something particularly reassuring about leaning into a comforting touch that isn't always offered, about letting cassian take in all of her uncertainty and vulnerability without anyone around.
she doesn't trust him because he's her sister's soulmate. he doesn't want to do this because she's his girlfriend's sister. they lean on each other out of choice, out of mutual respect. because they love each other, in a way that's just between them. ]
Thank you for coming to get me.
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[ he still isn't sure how badly she might be injured, though he gets the sense her body isn't full of broken bones. only other traumas. but it's enough to get him to shift, moving towards a gesture that could be a full on hug if daisy wants it, letting her guide through how much she can handle or want of it. he's awkward with hugs, but maybe he's getting better at it. his arms are gentle as they slip around her, hoping he isn't overstepping bounds. ]
Of course. [ it's not a you're welcome because of course he'd come to get her. she is his friend and he cares about her, whenever that evidently happened. that's just how all his new relationships are going to go, he supposes. daisy is his family now too. ]
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but cassian has never disappeared. from the moment they met, he's been steady, solid, sure. he's been dependable, and so now as he holds her, daisy allows herself to silence that part of her mind and sink into the embrace, pulling him in where his hesitation might keep him back. she wants him to hug her.
she wants to embrace the risk, rather than hide from it. ]
You should tell Jyn to open the door.
[ or they're just going to stand in this hallway the whole night, hugging like fools. ]
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[ he sends the message to jyn, to please come outside and tell illya the same, everything is fine but he found something important. ]
She will burst out soon, I am sure.
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the door slides open with a whoosh and there are her two favorite people embracing. one looking exactly like she had not one but two invasive and ultimately pointless brain surgeries. ]
Daisy. [ she breathes out her best friend's name like an answered prayer but it is quickly followed by some absolutely foul huttese curses. her hands flutter in front of her uselessly because cassian clearly has daisy well enough in hand so instead of immediately reaching for daisy, jyn steps aside so cassian can bring daisy inside. ]
You brought me a flower.
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she is all too eager to slump into the comfortable fabric of the couch as soon as the opportunity presents itself. ]
Where's —
[ her hand squeezes, her ring swinging on her finger so that the jewel crown presses into her palm. where is her husband. ]
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he sits down and reaches for her, taking her in and immediately feeling that anger reignite. he's able to keep it underneath the surface though, saving it for when it might be needed.
because he is definitely going to kill someone for this. )
Daisy.
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Hi.
[ she hadn't been gone any longer than she'd planned to. she hadn't disappeared, not really. they'd known she would be gone, and known she would come back — they hadn't expected her to look so weak upon her return, though, or to be so physically affected. ]
I'm okay, Illya. I'm okay.
[ just hold her a little while longer. ]
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( he whispers the words even though there's really no need. everyone in this room knows she's not okay. she will put on a strong front and make sure no one sees any sort of pain or concern that she does not want to see.
but he knows. they all know. )
You do not have to act like it either. Not here.
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[ which must mean he is right because even after fighting and breaking the coffee table, jyn is still unlikely to agree with him just because she is a childish butthead. ]
We've got you, [ she adds, leaning over the side of the couch to kiss daisy's temple and gingerly give her shoulders a squeeze. ]
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Do you need some water? Or something to eat? Or...something?
( because while he wants to comfort her, he is also one that does better with something to do, some tangible way to help. she needs this and he tries but he still wants to do more. )
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she'll yell about it in the morning, and then order a replacement via future amazon prime. ]
Just stay. [ sit down, illya. ] I don't think I could eat anything right now, anyway.
[ to be fair, she did puke before she got in the elevator. cassian was there. ]
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All right.
( he nods, looking over at both jyn and cassian. ) What do you need?
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[ should she sleep post-brain surgery? it's not like she has a concussion. but she does feel gross, and she's not entirely sure she could manage to stand up for the duration of a shower. ]
I can eat later.
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( it would allow her body to heal and for her to rest and recover from what seems to have been a very traumatic experience. )
Come on. I can take you to the bedroom.
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Will you wake me up later?
[ sure, illya is going to carry her, but the statement is directed to jyn. she wants to have time with everyone. she missed them. more importantly, she feels like she needs to be with them.
she needs a little time with jyn, specifically. she feels like a part of her has died, and who better to understand than someone who's technically dead? ]
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(he cannot chill, cassian andor doesn't do chill.)
the smile she gives daisy is easy, light. ]
Duh. Who else is going to watch the Bachelor with me?
[ certainly not illya and cassian, who judge them for watching this straight garbage. it is sisters garbage, complete with drinking and snacks and aggressive judgement. ]
Go to sleep, loser.
[ the family that drags together, stays together. and right now they need to be the family that all goes to fucking sleep, half together. and daisy needs to go to bed to find the stuffed tooka jyn put under her pillow. ]