About — [ oh. right. she thought they were past that. she'd told him how she felt, he'd stared at her a bit and then pointed out his lack of interest (or just failed to express any at all, which daisy was perceiving as not having any), and that was that. she thought it was, anyway. ]
It's fine.
[ she's not heartbroken or anything. she didn't think he returned the sentiment, anyway. she can deal with it. she's been dealing, hasn't she? granted, not exactly always in the most healthiest of ways, but she's managed just fine. ]
Is it a problem for you? Because I can — [ something. stay somewhere else, maybe. find another apartment complex. go transfer to work at another underground location, worst case scenario. she knows baltimore needs help. ]
but, he steps forward, fingers working nervously at his sides now that he's taken this step. he stops when he's a few feet from her bed, still uncertain but committed. ]
What if that's a choice I want to make for myself?
[ no one was going to step in front of him and stop him from this, no one was going to mention lorna. this was for him. this was for his happiness. ]
[ uh. what? her brow furrows, mouth twisting in obvious confusion as her head jerks back slightly, trying to make sense of that ridiculous question. ]
You ... want it to be a problem?
[ what does that even mean? why would he want her unrequited crush on him to be a problem between them? daisy can't even connect the dots. she has no idea. ]
I mean, if it's a problem — like I said, it's fine, I can figure it out. I can go see wherever Esme's staying, if that makes you feel more comfortable? I don't have to stay here.
[ why is he getting closer???????? she does not understand. ]
[ an attempt was made. the attempt was a failure. he'd tried to go at this in what he thought might be an understandable but maybe unique way but he realizes now that he shouldn't have done that. he starts to say something but she keeps going and he's already shaking his head because no.
no no no he doesn't want her to go anywhere or go find esme. no, he needs her to be quiet! ]
No look — stop talking. Stop — I want to kiss you!
daisy does stop, to her credit. she stops dead short, eyes slowly blinking closed, her brows raising up as high as they'll go before she opens them again. that's definitely not what she was expecting him to say. not even on the top hundred things on the list. probably not even top million, if she had to guess.
she should say something back, though. probably. ]
Okay.
[ that's it. that's all he gets. just a dumbfounded okay. ]
[ not exactly the reaction he'd hoped for. maybe he hoped for something more enthusiastic? or even something a little more emotional in the other direction. this just seems...like she's going along with it because he's there. ]
It was — it was just a thought. I don't have to.
[ he was just going to stop right where he was and get no closer now. ]
Bad timing again. Okay. [ there was never good timing. he smiles and steps back, gives her space so she'd stop looking so shocked by his words and presence. ]
I don't think there's anything remotely great about the timing here.
[ but she's not unhappy about it, either. shell-shocked, mostly, but now that it's wearing off, the hint of something much more positive tugs at the corners of her mouth. ]
And, you know, the decor could use some work. It's not exactly romantic. [ they're lucky to have what they have. she still doesn't entirely know how they managed it. multiple apartments? running water, hot showers, working wifi? it's an upgrade compared to a lot of other alternatives. ]
But if you're sure that's what you want. [ be really sure, marcos. there's not a lot of going back from something like this, knowing what he does about how she feels. felt. still feels? ] Then, okay.
[ her head tilts to the side a bit, a question and a dare both in the quirk of her brow. ]
Should I — [ he points at the bed since she hasn't moved and he's not sure if he should lean over and do this or sit down or ask her to get up or what. he rubs at his forehead with the back of his hand, wondering how a simple kiss could be so complicated. ]
Or I can see about finding a more romantic venue? [ maybe sit on the hood of one of their busted cars out front and watch the stars? if you ignored the rust on the cars and the sounds of sirens in the distance, it might be pretty nice. ]
I want to. [ he does know that. ] It's the, uh, logistics of the thing that are stopping me.
[ he wants to. that's the part she chooses to focus on, to the exclusion of all the other not so helpful commentary being thrown about. he wants to, and she wants to, and that's enough for right now.
it's just extremely clear to daisy now that if she doesn't actually step up here, he's going to handwring himself into the closet and never come out — and then no one will get what they want, which would really be a waste. ]
Okay, then.
[ this is okay. this is good. reassuring and simple. or it could be, perhaps, if daisy didn't pick up the pillow that's in her lap and chuck it towards the far wall, or if she didn't pull herself up to her knees, both hands held out in his direction. ]
You can find a more romantic venue next time. [ not right now. this is fine for right now. ] Just come here and kiss me already.
[ she throws the pillow and he remember that she's not wearing pants. that's — that's definitely a thing to be reminded of. but okay, he wasn't going to think about that. not right now. he steps closer to her, no hesitation in the movement until he's within arms length.
he takes one of her hands, letting her do whatever she wanted with the other and moves until his knees hit the edge of the bed. he's still taller than her like this but not by much. with his free hand, he tips her chin back so he can lean down and, after pausing as close to her lips as he could get without kissing her, he smiles and finally eliminates the rest of the distance between them.
his lips slot against hers, gentle but firm, and he realizes then that this is the first time he's kissed someone in months. he's been close to people but not like this. it hasn't been like this with anyone in close to a year now. ]
[ daisy's not a saint. she hasn't lived in a nunnery or foregone her own more instinctive needs while she's battled with her feelings — but even still, there's a sense of awe that floods through her, an awareness that this, his mouth so warm against her own, is really happening. after so many fleeting thoughts of what ifs and could bes, it's not just imagination or daydream or late night sordid thoughts, it's real.
and so, perhaps, daisy's a little more enthusiastic than reserved in the clutch of her hand in his; she could pull away breathlessly and smile up at him, and she does, but it's quickly replaced by an eager tug of his hand, pulling him towards the bed and thus closer to her. he'll have to do the work to actually climb up, though. she's not quite that strong. ]
[ maybe she's not that strong but she's a lot stronger than she looks and soon enough he has no choice but to get one knee on the bed so he can scoot closer to her and to the fact that she wasn't wearing pants.
he'd come here with the more intention of kissing her but this was still kissing, wasn't it?climbing on her bed and sliding closer to her was still kissing her. he hadn't gotten too distracted or overwhelmed with her and how he was feeling. ]
[ it's still early. unlike evenings where daisy poses as someone else for the purposes of getting her needs met, this isn't a quick and dirty interaction. there's eagerness, but a surprising amount of patience too; though he climbs up onto the bed, she's capable of resisting a whole lot of urges that begin to pile up in her head, restraining herself enough to simply sit upright, butterfly style, her folded legs bracketing outward while his dangle off the side of the bed.
still innocent. close, but not that close. not so close she's in his lap, even if it's tempting to be. ]
You know how long I've wanted you to do that?
[ he does, in fact, because she's told him. but it still bears repeating — a reminder that this means something to her, and that part of her very much is struggling to not let hope of something far more than just a kiss bubble up in her mind. ]
[ but there was probably nothing to be done about that. he'd needed the time to get over lorna and get past the hurt and betrayal she'd left him with. he'd needed the time to open his eyes again, see the world around him and not be so tunnel visioned on one person.
the fact that she'd waited that long was nothing short of a miracle. she didn't have to. she could have moved on and forgotten about him at any time. ]
Longer than I'm worth. [ he knows what argument's going to come from her but he's not going to be convinced. she was worth more than him. ]
Don't, [ a soft rebuke, but she doesn't push too hard. they both share the same self-sacrificing tendencies, she knows that much, and convincing him isn't something she particularly wants to do with words. if she has to show him how much he means, there are better ways to do it. ] You're killing the mood, Diaz.
[ there. a kinder way to shift the conversation. her hand reaches again to squeeze his own, the other reaching out to brush a bit of dust or dirt from his cheek. ]
Don't tell me you came over and interrupted my YouTube hell spiral to kiss me once and then bail.
[ but his point stood. she was, by far, a better person than he was. would she argue? yes. didn't matter, she wouldn't convince him otherwise just like he knows that he wouldn't convince her otherwise. it would be a circular argument that they'd probably tire of and just fall asleep.
or she would, at least. ]
Do I look like I'm going anywhere? Just had to be said.
You look like somebody who's not kissing me anymore.
[ unacceptable, really. her thumb grazes his cheek just once more before dropping to curve across his jaw, fingertips sweeping through the hair at the nape of his neck. there's not much to it, no more than a gentle bit of pressure, but it's hard to miss. ]
We can argue about it later. [ look, she's willingly dropping an argument without demanding she be right. please recognize this for the miracle it is and act accordingly ]
[ he's not really that sorry at all. it's not like they don't have time especially now with things starting to slow down. sure, there was the manner of whatever clarice had seen through the portal to deal with but they could rest for at least a day.
so, he takes his time with leaning back in and capturing her mouth with his in another kiss.
[ if their luck holds, they will get one whole day of rest — one whole day, if daisy has any say in it whatsoever, that will remain entirely in this bed. apologies in advance to anyone who might go looking for her.
but she's not that sorry. not really. not when his mouth is soft and warm against her own, not when his breath huffs against her cheeks as he leans in, sending shivers down her back that pull her in just that much closer. it's really hard to be sorry when all she wants to do is map out his mouth with a sweep of her tongue, just in case.
when she does have to breathe, regrettable as it is, daisy hums out, ] Next time, lead with the kissing.
[ will there be a next time? a question that sends a spike of uncertainty through her, but she's ignoring it, pushing it away, in favor of diving back in. ]
[ what their next time would look like, he has no idea. but he didn't come here with the intention of just kissing her once, getting it out of his system and walking away. ot doesn't really work that way for him.
he reaches up and presses his thumb against the edge of her chin before pulling back a little more to get a better look at her. ]
I promise.
[ he puts a hand over his heart and nods. ] One hundred percent and all that.
Okay, [ and it is. it really is, because she believes him when he speaks. without thinking about it, without questioning or curiousity, she's always been able to believe in him. ] Anything else you came here for, beyond getting to first base?
[ kissing is still first base, right? ]
I mean, I did kind of spill my guts for you before we got so rudely interrupted.
No, this was...this was the only reason I came by. Or, well, I did want to check on you and see how you were feeling and to see what Caitlin said.
[ that had actually been the main reason he'd come by tonight. because if she hadn't been good or if she'd been upset or still confined to a bed, he wouldn't have said a thing to her or tried anything. ]
Oh. [ part of her wonders if she should consider that literally. that kissing her — knowing she'd be interested, knowing she'd be open to it — was the only reason, without any sort of emotional component whatsoever; she wonders if she should interpret that as admission that he was taking advantage of a good opportunity when one hadn't come his way in a while.
it's a sobering thought, and daisy sinks back onto her heels after a moment or two, her eyes dropping for a brief second before glancing back up to his. she's not going to let herself be melodramatic about this. she knew well before she ever said anything that it was unlikely for him to feel anything in return, and that hasn't changed. ]
I'm not going on any raids for a while, but I'm not on bedrest either. [ could be worse, could be better. ] I can't complain about the company, though.
[ all right, something he'd said hadn't been the right thing. she sinks down from him and looks away before getting a hold of that reaction and looking back. maybe that would have fooled someone else but he's known her too long to know that he hadn't stepped on a mine that was ready to go off if his next step wasn't disarming it. ]
What?
[ he tries to catch her eyes again, get her to talk to him. ]
What did I say? [ he settles back on his heels, creating some distance between them. ]
It's — [ nothing, she nearly says, but his eyes catch hers with a sincerity she can't quite ignore. can't just brush aside or push past like it doesn't matter, because he does matter. her feelings might be delicate and temperamental in the wake of self-sacrifice, but that doesn't mean ignoring his.
she blows out a breath, buying herself a little time, before answering the question. ]
I didn't expect anything before. I just — I figured everything would kind of go back to normal after that. [ and it had, for the most part. at least right away. ] But now you're kissing me and I don't know if that's because you just want to kiss me or because you feel some kind of something that you didn't say before or you just want to kiss somebody and you know that I want to kiss you …
[ she's running out of breath and steam and bravery all at once ]
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It's fine.
[ she's not heartbroken or anything. she didn't think he returned the sentiment, anyway. she can deal with it. she's been dealing, hasn't she? granted, not exactly always in the most healthiest of ways, but she's managed just fine. ]
Is it a problem for you? Because I can — [ something. stay somewhere else, maybe. find another apartment complex. go transfer to work at another underground location, worst case scenario. she knows baltimore needs help. ]
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[ #smooth.
but, he steps forward, fingers working nervously at his sides now that he's taken this step. he stops when he's a few feet from her bed, still uncertain but committed. ]
What if that's a choice I want to make for myself?
[ no one was going to step in front of him and stop him from this, no one was going to mention lorna. this was for him. this was for his happiness. ]
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You ... want it to be a problem?
[ what does that even mean? why would he want her unrequited crush on him to be a problem between them? daisy can't even connect the dots. she has no idea. ]
I mean, if it's a problem — like I said, it's fine, I can figure it out. I can go see wherever Esme's staying, if that makes you feel more comfortable? I don't have to stay here.
[ why is he getting closer???????? she does not understand. ]
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[ an attempt was made. the attempt was a failure. he'd tried to go at this in what he thought might be an understandable but maybe unique way but he realizes now that he shouldn't have done that. he starts to say something but she keeps going and he's already shaking his head because no.
no no no he doesn't want her to go anywhere or go find esme. no, he needs her to be quiet! ]
No look — stop talking. Stop — I want to kiss you!
[ would that work? was it blunt enough? ]
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daisy does stop, to her credit. she stops dead short, eyes slowly blinking closed, her brows raising up as high as they'll go before she opens them again. that's definitely not what she was expecting him to say. not even on the top hundred things on the list. probably not even top million, if she had to guess.
she should say something back, though. probably. ]
Okay.
[ that's it. that's all he gets. just a dumbfounded okay. ]
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It was — it was just a thought. I don't have to.
[ he was just going to stop right where he was and get no closer now. ]
Bad timing again. Okay. [ there was never good timing. he smiles and steps back, gives her space so she'd stop looking so shocked by his words and presence. ]
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[ but she's not unhappy about it, either. shell-shocked, mostly, but now that it's wearing off, the hint of something much more positive tugs at the corners of her mouth. ]
And, you know, the decor could use some work. It's not exactly romantic. [ they're lucky to have what they have. she still doesn't entirely know how they managed it. multiple apartments? running water, hot showers, working wifi? it's an upgrade compared to a lot of other alternatives. ]
But if you're sure that's what you want. [ be really sure, marcos. there's not a lot of going back from something like this, knowing what he does about how she feels. felt. still feels? ] Then, okay.
[ her head tilts to the side a bit, a question and a dare both in the quirk of her brow. ]
You already know what I want.
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Or I can see about finding a more romantic venue? [ maybe sit on the hood of one of their busted cars out front and watch the stars? if you ignored the rust on the cars and the sounds of sirens in the distance, it might be pretty nice. ]
I want to. [ he does know that. ] It's the, uh, logistics of the thing that are stopping me.
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it's just extremely clear to daisy now that if she doesn't actually step up here, he's going to handwring himself into the closet and never come out — and then no one will get what they want, which would really be a waste. ]
Okay, then.
[ this is okay. this is good. reassuring and simple. or it could be, perhaps, if daisy didn't pick up the pillow that's in her lap and chuck it towards the far wall, or if she didn't pull herself up to her knees, both hands held out in his direction. ]
You can find a more romantic venue next time. [ not right now. this is fine for right now. ] Just come here and kiss me already.
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he takes one of her hands, letting her do whatever she wanted with the other and moves until his knees hit the edge of the bed. he's still taller than her like this but not by much. with his free hand, he tips her chin back so he can lean down and, after pausing as close to her lips as he could get without kissing her, he smiles and finally eliminates the rest of the distance between them.
his lips slot against hers, gentle but firm, and he realizes then that this is the first time he's kissed someone in months. he's been close to people but not like this. it hasn't been like this with anyone in close to a year now. ]
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and so, perhaps, daisy's a little more enthusiastic than reserved in the clutch of her hand in his; she could pull away breathlessly and smile up at him, and she does, but it's quickly replaced by an eager tug of his hand, pulling him towards the bed and thus closer to her. he'll have to do the work to actually climb up, though. she's not quite that strong. ]
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he'd come here with the more intention of kissing her but this was still kissing, wasn't it?climbing on her bed and sliding closer to her was still kissing her. he hadn't gotten too distracted or overwhelmed with her and how he was feeling. ]
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still innocent. close, but not that close. not so close she's in his lap, even if it's tempting to be. ]
You know how long I've wanted you to do that?
[ he does, in fact, because she's told him. but it still bears repeating — a reminder that this means something to her, and that part of her very much is struggling to not let hope of something far more than just a kiss bubble up in her mind. ]
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[ but there was probably nothing to be done about that. he'd needed the time to get over lorna and get past the hurt and betrayal she'd left him with. he'd needed the time to open his eyes again, see the world around him and not be so tunnel visioned on one person.
the fact that she'd waited that long was nothing short of a miracle. she didn't have to. she could have moved on and forgotten about him at any time. ]
Longer than I'm worth. [ he knows what argument's going to come from her but he's not going to be convinced. she was worth more than him. ]
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[ there. a kinder way to shift the conversation. her hand reaches again to squeeze his own, the other reaching out to brush a bit of dust or dirt from his cheek. ]
Don't tell me you came over and interrupted my YouTube hell spiral to kiss me once and then bail.
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[ but his point stood. she was, by far, a better person than he was. would she argue? yes. didn't matter, she wouldn't convince him otherwise just like he knows that he wouldn't convince her otherwise. it would be a circular argument that they'd probably tire of and just fall asleep.
or she would, at least. ]
Do I look like I'm going anywhere? Just had to be said.
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[ unacceptable, really. her thumb grazes his cheek just once more before dropping to curve across his jaw, fingertips sweeping through the hair at the nape of his neck. there's not much to it, no more than a gentle bit of pressure, but it's hard to miss. ]
We can argue about it later. [ look, she's willingly dropping an argument without demanding she be right. please recognize this for the miracle it is and act accordingly ]
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[ he's not really that sorry at all. it's not like they don't have time especially now with things starting to slow down. sure, there was the manner of whatever clarice had seen through the portal to deal with but they could rest for at least a day.
so, he takes his time with leaning back in and capturing her mouth with his in another kiss.
the argument could wait a bit. ]
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but she's not that sorry. not really. not when his mouth is soft and warm against her own, not when his breath huffs against her cheeks as he leans in, sending shivers down her back that pull her in just that much closer. it's really hard to be sorry when all she wants to do is map out his mouth with a sweep of her tongue, just in case.
when she does have to breathe, regrettable as it is, daisy hums out, ] Next time, lead with the kissing.
[ will there be a next time? a question that sends a spike of uncertainty through her, but she's ignoring it, pushing it away, in favor of diving back in. ]
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[ what their next time would look like, he has no idea. but he didn't come here with the intention of just kissing her once, getting it out of his system and walking away. ot doesn't really work that way for him.
he reaches up and presses his thumb against the edge of her chin before pulling back a little more to get a better look at her. ]
I promise.
[ he puts a hand over his heart and nods. ] One hundred percent and all that.
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[ kissing is still first base, right? ]
I mean, I did kind of spill my guts for you before we got so rudely interrupted.
[ sorry cait... you did kinda ruin the mood... ]
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[ that had actually been the main reason he'd come by tonight. because if she hadn't been good or if she'd been upset or still confined to a bed, he wouldn't have said a thing to her or tried anything. ]
But nothing else.
[ he shrugs. ]
I just wanted to see you.
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it's a sobering thought, and daisy sinks back onto her heels after a moment or two, her eyes dropping for a brief second before glancing back up to his. she's not going to let herself be melodramatic about this. she knew well before she ever said anything that it was unlikely for him to feel anything in return, and that hasn't changed. ]
I'm not going on any raids for a while, but I'm not on bedrest either. [ could be worse, could be better. ] I can't complain about the company, though.
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What?
[ he tries to catch her eyes again, get her to talk to him. ]
What did I say? [ he settles back on his heels, creating some distance between them. ]
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she blows out a breath, buying herself a little time, before answering the question. ]
I didn't expect anything before. I just — I figured everything would kind of go back to normal after that. [ and it had, for the most part. at least right away. ] But now you're kissing me and I don't know if that's because you just want to kiss me or because you feel some kind of something that you didn't say before or you just want to kiss somebody and you know that I want to kiss you …
[ she's running out of breath and steam and bravery all at once ]
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