I didn't know you did all that. [ but how could he have known, he reasons? he wasn't looking for anything like that. no one was. when he'd walked out and she'd let him, he'd assumed that all avenues, all connections were closed. a clean break while she did her work with shield and he did his with the mutant underground.
he'd been wrong. he'd been incredibly wrong. ]
I'm sorry. [ he looks down, embarrassed and guilty that she'd done so much and he'd been spending his time seething, angry and upset that she'd turned her back just because he'd disagreed with her.
he sighs and it's a shaky thing, a strained thing. but, he also reaches across the small bit of space between them and curls two of his fingers around her hand. the smallest, slightest bit of a peace offering. or a signal that he heard her heart and his was doing the same thumping beat against his ribcage. ] I didn't know.
[ her hand is shaky against his, rotating in his grip to squeeze back. there's a breath caught in her throat, an uncomfortable anxiety rolling in her belly; the uncertainty of everything leaves her feeling a little light-headed. like the floor was going to slip out from underneath her. ]
I would do it all over again, if it meant keeping you safe.
[ true. no lie detector test needed, no bright lights shone in her eyes to discourage dishonesty. she'd have done it a million times over, if necessary, to protect him. to protect all of them, the inhumans and the mutants and their loved ones, from the people who only wished them harm. from sentinel services, from the watchdogs, from the purifiers. from anyone who seethed and hissed freak under their breath when someone different walked past on the street.
for marcos, she'd do anything. like let him into her apartment after months of silence, like abandon her night off to nurse him back to health, like send him home with arms full of food just to make sure everyone else got some. it didn't matter that they weren't together anymore. some things just don't change. ]
I'm the one who should apologize. I... I expected so much of you. Things you could never have given, promises you couldn't have kept. [ her frown grows a little more pronounced, though her hand clings tight to his. ] I'm sorry. For everything.
Yeah, but I wanted to try. To give you those things, to be the person you wanted me to be. I wanted to try. Things just got -- [ crazy. intense. and then chaotic. they'd fallen apart almost as fast as they'd come together and now they seemingly had a second chance. is that what this was? a chance to pick up the bits and pieces of their relationship and try and puzzle them back together.
or was this just residual feelings? things they'd never fully let go of and now that they were face to face again were coming to the surface? he doesn't know the answer to that. he knows what answer he wants it to be but he doesn't know the real answer. ]
I still love you. [ it's a leap he feels like he has to take. he'd tried to forget those feelings, tried to convince himself that he didn't but it hadn't worked. nothing had worked and so he's kneeling there in front of her, feeling those emotions bloom once again, sliding over him like a comfortable blanket. ]
I never really stopped. [ he shrugs and looks a little shy about that. ] You don't have to say anything. I just wanted you to know.
[ suddenly, her heart stops. the deafening sound of it slamming into her ribcage is replaced almost instantaneously by the echo of silence. her breath, her heart — it all seems to still as she stares at him, eyes wide, mouth parted just slightly as she tries to come to terms with what he's said.
i still love you. she doesn't know whether to say it back or pull away, whether to laugh or cry, whether to squeeze his hand hard enough to imprint the patterns of her skin on to his or run away while she still has a chance. because if she says it back, what then? what options do they have?
to be together, to be a hurricane of emotions that threatened to take the other out, or to not, and suffer apart? no good answer, really, but daisy knew which one she wanted. fuck the consequences.
her hand slips out of his, a regrettable necessity in order to cup his face in her hands, thumbs brushing soft against the stubble of his cheeks. so close. he can probably feel her breath as she exhales, hot and shaky. ]
I couldn't have stopped if I tried. And I did, I tried so hard, but it never worked. I never stopped loving you.
[ his breath gusts out in an exhale, relief and happiness flickering over his face. he wouldn't have been upset if she hadn't returned the sentiment but it would have hurt. deep down, it would have hurt though he wouldn't have shown it. she had every right not to feel anything for him after everything.
but, she does. she still does and he smiles for the first time in what seems like weeks. months. maybe longer. he leans forward and rests his forehead against hers, nuzzling into her hand. ]
Don't make me leave if -- [ if john made the decision to not work together. he wants to hope that maybe they can figure something out this time but if they don't, he doesn't want to have to leave again. ]
We'll figure something out if that happens. [ he'd do anything he could to make that happen. ]
We can't make that kind of promise. [ she might have, before. might have said anything to keep him around, even if it wasn't true. but now, as complicated as everything's gotten, as much pain as both their people have gone through, things aren't that easy.
it's not like mixing in-laws for once a year get-togethers. this is about exposing agencies to one another, for better or for worse, to try to prevent the kind of genocidal disaster that the inner circle was so hellbent on creating. to protect their people, and to protect the innocent on both sides of the equation.
if john didn't want shield anywhere near the underground, and if shield wasn't willing to let daisy go... what choice did they have? it wasn't like they could just run away, leave it all behind. ]
I wouldn't ask you to leave them instead.
[ she's the sacrifice play. always has been. if it comes down to it, daisy goes down for the count. if it protects him, she'd do it. the underground needs him more than she does. ]
[ is it the answer he wants to hear? no. is it the answer he knows he needs to hear? yes. but that doesn't stop his shoulders from slumping. he closes his eyes but doesn't move away from her despite his disappointment in the answer.
it doesn't matter if he knows she's right, he's still disappointed because he knows there's still a chance that this won't be able to continue past this night. if john doesn't want the partnership then they'd be, once again, cut off from each other. ]
I know you wouldn't.
[ and he wouldn't ask her to leave shield either. he'd never forgive himself if he even considered the idea of making her leave what she loved to do because of him. ]
[ he doesn't have to say anything. she can see him deflating right before her eyes, see the slump of his shoulder and feel the hot air that rushes from his face as he exhales out all that disappointment.
the truth is, this isn't the kind of situation where there's an easy answer. they can't just forget their responsibilities. they're both twined too deeply into a very personal set of struggles to ever just walk away, even if the romantic ideal might be nice to think about. but they can, in the moments where life allows, carve out a space for each other. they can try to walk a line between work and home, between "yours" and "mine", and have a small spot that's for them both.
even if it feels a little like escapism. maybe that's what they need. ]
You don't have to apologize. Can we just... not talk about it, for a little while? Please?
[ she feels a little ridiculous, too, for asking. the lingering question of what will they talk about doesn't get asked. ]
[ that was probably a good idea even if the 'what ifs' would hang over them until they got a solid answer one way or another. and forgetting about that could be accomplished in a variety of ways but were they ready to broach those? or would it just complicate things if, again, they weren't able to make their two organizations together work.
he sighs and nods. ]
We don't have to talk about it.
[ the next thing he wants to say is 'we don't have to talk at all' but that's one of those ways that they could escape but he isn't sure she's ready for. or wants. he sighs and nods, staying close to her and finding nothing coming to mind on what to talk about next.
they'd been pretty good at talking once before. and he thinks they still are but this wasn't really the time to talk about hobbies and the weather and food. ]
[ it's the silence that feels heaviest. the shared burden of their situation hangs like a dark thundercloud above their heads, and even agreeing not to talk about it only means they sit here, foreheads touching, both thinking about it but not saying a damn thing. maybe that's worse.
every few moments, daisy tries to say something, anything — her mouth opens, a quiet exhale or a soft coo, just anything to break the silence. and then nothing, her mouth closing shut again, a small shake of her head. what can she say? what can they talk about that isn't, in some way, connected to what they've already agreed not to talk about?
how's john, she wants to ask. how are clarice and the struckers and everyone else holding up? but it's too close for comfort. how's the baby, she almost says, but thinks better of it. definitely not the right time.
eventually, after who knows how many minutes of lingering uncomfortable silence, daisy exhales through her nose, a sound that seems to drag on much like the quiet between them had before. ]
All I can think about is all the things I don't want to talk about. [ her tongue sweeps out to brush over her lower lip, teeth dragging against the corner. nervous energy. ] And you. I keep... thinking about you, about what it was like when you were here before.
[ about what we used to do, on this floor, on this couch. ]
[ yeah, he knows all about thoughts like that. about asking about her work, her coworkers, how she's been, what she's been doing because they all, somehow, tie back to what they'd agreed to not talk about. and any information he wants to offer up will just bring it back to the subject that must not be named. he supposes that mundane subjects like the weather and television shows would be work but he can't see the conversations lasting long. ]
Yeah, I'm -- [ right there with you. he felt it too, the energy, the electricity and the only reason he hasn't acted on it is because he just wasn't sure it was reciprocated. but now he knows for sure and...he's still not acting on it but it's definitely not because he doesn't want to. he does. it's just such a complicated thing now. there were so many things to think about.
but then again, maybe they should just escape for a night. get lost in something good. ]
I should -- I should text John. [ which is not what he wanted to say but does need to do that. he needs to let him know he's all right. ] And then I can be yours for the night.
[ maybe, hopefully, that makes it better. he wants it to. ]
[ she nods, offers up what she hopes is some kind of nonverbal acknowledgement, an understanding of what it is he's explaining. he should check in. whatever he's come from, they — the underground, that nebulous "other" that hovers on the fringes of each sentence they utter — need to know he's okay. that he's been bandaged up and offered shelter for a night, if nothing else.
and then he gets up, walks away, and daisy's left to herself, her back up against the couch and the floor in front of her suddenly seeming an impossible expanse. she doesn't want to pry, doesn't want to look over his shoulder and investigate whatever messages he's sending. she could, if she really wanted to. she has the set up on her laptop, it wouldn't take long to port in his number or pull from the local cell tower traffic to find out what was being sent. but she doesn't want to do that. she doesn't want to infringe on his privacy like that, not if she doesn't have to.
but she can't just sit here either, staring at her hands, wondering if she's doing the right thing or making a giant mistake by admitting to feelings that she spent weeks trying to push back down. no, she has to get up, pace a little, find something for her mind to focus on while he handles whatever he needs.
when marcos is done, whether it be texts or a phone call or photo evidence of his still-breathing body, he'll find her in the kitchen, staring into the fridge like it holds the answers to life itself. ]
[ john is concerned and then, once marcos tells him where he is, he's angry. angry that marcos is putting himself through that again, putting himself in a position to get hurt so badly again. but, marcos shuts him down with the bare bones of daisy's offer before telling him he'd be back tomorrow.
once that was done, he made his way through the apartment, eventually finding daisy in the kitchen. the pain in his arm is almost nonexistent and he barely realizes he still doesn't have his shirt on. he could go and find that, put it back on, make things a little easier but it's ruined anyway.
he comes to stand behind her, leaving a few feet of space between them. ]
What are you doing?
[ he doesn't think he'll startle her but he keeps his voice quiet anyway. he shifts a little to peer over her shoulder and see what was so interesting inside the fridge. ]
[ his voice startles her out of a spiral of deep, questioning thoughts. the kind of thoughts that branch out from place to place, starting in one seemingly innocuous place — i have beer in the fridge — to memories long since repressed or forgotten. the two of them in the kitchen one summer evening, soaking wet after having been caught in the rain, beer buzzed and happy for one fleeting moment, her back pressed up against the fridge as they kissed. a memory she hasn't thought about in... weeks. months. hasn't let herself think about, in any case.
his voice startles her, and daisy spins around, shutting the fridge behind her with a slam. a flush blooms red over her cheeks and down the column of her neck as she takes a step backwards, her shoulders bumping into the freezer's top door. what was she doing? how does she answer that? ]
I was just... thinking, um. About what was in there, I guess.
[ not the best excuse. now that she's face to face with him again, it becomes even more painfully obvious that he's shirtless (if not a little bandaged on one side). why is that so difficult to tear her eyes away from?
maybe swallowing will help. forcing herself to take a breath, to fake a calm, self-assured smile. everything's fine, really. ]
[ she slams the door to the fridge so hard that he takes a step back, worried that she's got something in there that he wasn't supposed to see. she looks like a cornered animal right now and he has no idea what's happened in the span of minutes between getting up off he floor and coming back to find her. ]
Hi.
[ he meets her smile with one of his own before rubbing at the back of his neck with his uninjured arm. ] John knows what's going on. I know we're not talking about it but I told him a few things and he'll call you tomorrow.
[ so, they just had to get through a night without exploding? could they do that? did he even want to do that? he licks his lips, falling into a quiet silence. they were back to that. the quiet, the silence. the not knowing what to say or do not that certain topics were cut off. ]
I can leave you alone if you want to keep looking in the fridge.
[ a feeling she knows pretty well. she doesn't begrudge john for being... well, however he's being. concerned, nervous, angry at her for being involved. she can only guess, and all her guesses aren't exactly positive ones.
but they're not talking about those things right now, so daisy tries her best to keep her voice neutral. calm. unaffected. ]
At least now he won't try to track you down.
[ another memory comes, unbidden. hiding in the woods, having picked up a cheap tent and bedroll from a clearance sale at some outdoor store, sneaking out from their responsibilities in the underground and in the zephyr for a night. thinking they had found privacy for once, only to be interrupted by the tracker himself. john had been embarrassed, but nothing had rivaled the flush across daisy's topless form, clutched behind the thin sheet.
this one makes her laugh, a quiet sound under her breath; the blush on her cheeks tonight only gets redder. ]
Do you remember that? I'd never been so ...
[ so embarrassed. something. her words trail off as her gaze tips up to his, as she takes in the sight of his tongue sweeping over his mouth. distracting, to say the least. ]
I -- I remember. [ how could he not remember that? they'd barely done anything when john had come upon them but it had still been embarrassing and a little ridiculous. he and john hadn't really ever talked about it when he and daisy had said their goodbyes the following morning but ]
Yeah, I remember that. [ he sounds a little breathless in fact. he remembers how her skin had looked under the moonlight and how she'd felt pressed against his back at some point during the night. how the bedroll had been uncomfortable so she'd slept on him at one point and how he'd pressed his face against her stomach and admitted his fears about fatherhood and his kid to her.
they hadn't even broached that subject yet since he'd walked through her door tonight. ]
You'd never been as beautiful as that night. [ a simple, quiet admission. the truth. a fact. his own opinion but it's absolutely what he believes. ]
[ the compliment's a simple one. he's always been generous with them — if not in spite of the fact then perhaps because he couldn't be generous with much else, not with the coffers at the underground so low, not with her standing on the outside of it. he'd always told her what he thought of her, whether it was her looks or her abilities or something else altogether, and when they were together, showered her with reassurances.
tonight's no different, and as if by instinct, daisy smiles back and offers the prompted reply. ] You weren't half-bad yourself.
[ he's not looking any worse for wear tonight, either. shirtless, breathless, scruffy and hair tousled — now that he's no longer wincing in pain or clutching his injuries, he looks more like a man who's... well. that's another memory altogether. one that involves the room just down the hall, many times over, amongst other places here and there. like the floor of this kitchen, for one.
she swallows again, throat a little tight; before she can stop herself, one hand reaches out to curl around one of his, gently pulling him that much closer. ]
Do you ever think about what it was like? When we were together?
[ when they touch, like this. when electricity tingles across her skin, when she practically glows from the inside out, when she can feel the earth trembling beneath their feet. like power, pure power, rushed between them. ]
I tried not to. [ because he'd known it would just make him miserable, thinking about something he couldn't have and why put himself through more torture? but the power of memories are a strong thing and the more he tried not think about her, the more he thought about her.
his eyes fall down to their hands while he steps closer to her, the distance between them slowly disappearing. ]
But I failed. I thought about that a lot. All the time. When I wanted to and when I didn't want to. [ she was not an easy person to forget and he hadn't wanted to forget her. he'd just wanted to put her aside so thinking about her didn't hurt so badly. ]
I still think about you. [ to this day. he was here, wasn't he? ] I don't think I'll ever stop.
[ her thumb brushes over his hand as he talks, soft sweeps over knuckles and the freckled skin against the back of his hand, gentle looping patterns back and forth. touch, even simple like this, is more than they've shared in months. the temptation to break the dam grows only stronger with each moment, but she can't seem to make herself move. ]
I don't want you to stop. [ the words come out almost as a whisper, an echo of a phrase she's murmured in his ears more times than she can count — though with markedly different intentions. a tight swallow, and she manages to speak a little more normally. ] I don't want to stop thinking about you either.
[ whatever that means. thinking about him, caring about him, being with him? how much is she willing to risk to make it happen? ]
[ his eyes stay on their joined hands, watching the journey her fingers make against the back of his hands. over tiny scars and rough spots earned over time and conflict. he sighs, closing his eyes though not for any bad reason. it's just nice to enjoy a touch. ever since their relationship had ended, he hasn't let anyone near him enough to touch like this. ]
Then don't.
[ the words tumble out before he can stop them. he doesn't give himself time to second guess what he's saying, what he's offering, what he's opening himself up to. he just says the first thing that comes to mind and then falls quiet. he gives her hand a squeeze. ]
[ it's a heady proposition. throwing caution to the wind, letting the chips fall where they may, giving in to want and desire and emotions long since shoved deep down away from the light of day, risking the car running off the rails if things don't go well. but she can't deny how much she wants to do it. how much they both seem to want it.
her hand clings tight to his, fingers wrapping around, while the other reaches to skim over the exposed line of his collarbone where his shirt collar might have laid. if he was still wearing a shirt, she'd have grabbed it; instead, daisy wraps a hand around the back of his neck, soft at first and then — as if signaling her own abandon, firmer, giving him no choice but to stumble forward, closing the gap between them until he's a breath away. ]
Okay. [ repeated, whispered. okay, okay, okay. she can do this. ] God, I love you.
[ weird how final that feels to say out loud, as if she hasn't said a variation of it so many times over the course of the evening. how intense the words feel as they slip out of her mouth, bitten off firmly, all pretense lost. she does, though. she loves him more fiercely than she thinks she might love herself. ]
But if you don't kiss me, I'm probably going to scream.
[ and stumble he does but he braces his uninjured arm on the freezer behind her so he doesn't end up falling into her. there's still a breath of space between their bodies but marcos is pretty sure that's about to come to an end. they both want it to and though they've talked a few circles around it for a few minutes, they seem to have come to a solid agreement.
stop talking about what's to come, keep thinking about each other and -- ]
Don't scream.
[ -- and yeah, kiss her. he leans closer, slow at first, still wondering if something is going to happen to stop this. a knock on her door, a phone ringing, a ceiling caving in but when a moment comes and goes and nothing happens, he lets himself believe that he's actually going to be able to have something good.
and so he erases that last bit of space and presses his lips to hers finally. it's tentative, a little cautious but only because he doesn't want to break this spell. it's not going to stay that way, rest assured.
because he remembers how she tastes, how her breath feels and he already wants more. ]
[ slow is... something. probably necessary, she thinks, in whatever corner of her brain is still capable of rational thought right now, for him to adjust. to make sure he doesn't injure himself in the process. but it's very quickly not enough, and so daisy drops her grip on his hand in order to slide both of hers over his shoulders, one going further in order to snake into the hair at the nape of his neck.
it doesn't take much to press herself into that last small sliver of space, or to open her mouth just that much more. it still doesn't feel like enough, not after all this wasted time between the last and today, but it's better. closer is better.
though, after a minute or two, she pulls back, breathless. ]
Don't stop. No matter what.
[ john himself could break through her door right now. doesn't matter. he can wait. everything can wait. ]
[ he nods hurriedly and those words plus her body flush against his body means he throws out any pretense of working things through gradually. her hand's in his hair and he leans forward, capturing her lips in a harder, deeper kiss this time. with the solidity of the refrigerator behind her, marcos leans into her, letting some of his weight settle against her.
he thinks that maybe he should ask if she wants to stay in here or go elsewhere but that would mean stopping the kiss and that would mean more talking and haven't they done enough talking already? logistics could wait.
right now, he was going to kiss by licking into her mouth and curling a hand around the hair falling over her shoulder. god, this day had been so terrible.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
no subject
he'd been wrong. he'd been incredibly wrong. ]
I'm sorry. [ he looks down, embarrassed and guilty that she'd done so much and he'd been spending his time seething, angry and upset that she'd turned her back just because he'd disagreed with her.
he sighs and it's a shaky thing, a strained thing. but, he also reaches across the small bit of space between them and curls two of his fingers around her hand. the smallest, slightest bit of a peace offering. or a signal that he heard her heart and his was doing the same thumping beat against his ribcage. ] I didn't know.
no subject
[ her hand is shaky against his, rotating in his grip to squeeze back. there's a breath caught in her throat, an uncomfortable anxiety rolling in her belly; the uncertainty of everything leaves her feeling a little light-headed. like the floor was going to slip out from underneath her. ]
I would do it all over again, if it meant keeping you safe.
[ true. no lie detector test needed, no bright lights shone in her eyes to discourage dishonesty. she'd have done it a million times over, if necessary, to protect him. to protect all of them, the inhumans and the mutants and their loved ones, from the people who only wished them harm. from sentinel services, from the watchdogs, from the purifiers. from anyone who seethed and hissed freak under their breath when someone different walked past on the street.
for marcos, she'd do anything. like let him into her apartment after months of silence, like abandon her night off to nurse him back to health, like send him home with arms full of food just to make sure everyone else got some. it didn't matter that they weren't together anymore. some things just don't change. ]
I'm the one who should apologize. I... I expected so much of you. Things you could never have given, promises you couldn't have kept. [ her frown grows a little more pronounced, though her hand clings tight to his. ] I'm sorry. For everything.
no subject
or was this just residual feelings? things they'd never fully let go of and now that they were face to face again were coming to the surface? he doesn't know the answer to that. he knows what answer he wants it to be but he doesn't know the real answer. ]
I still love you. [ it's a leap he feels like he has to take. he'd tried to forget those feelings, tried to convince himself that he didn't but it hadn't worked. nothing had worked and so he's kneeling there in front of her, feeling those emotions bloom once again, sliding over him like a comfortable blanket. ]
I never really stopped. [ he shrugs and looks a little shy about that. ] You don't have to say anything. I just wanted you to know.
no subject
i still love you. she doesn't know whether to say it back or pull away, whether to laugh or cry, whether to squeeze his hand hard enough to imprint the patterns of her skin on to his or run away while she still has a chance. because if she says it back, what then? what options do they have?
to be together, to be a hurricane of emotions that threatened to take the other out, or to not, and suffer apart? no good answer, really, but daisy knew which one she wanted. fuck the consequences.
her hand slips out of his, a regrettable necessity in order to cup his face in her hands, thumbs brushing soft against the stubble of his cheeks. so close. he can probably feel her breath as she exhales, hot and shaky. ]
I couldn't have stopped if I tried. And I did, I tried so hard, but it never worked. I never stopped loving you.
no subject
but, she does. she still does and he smiles for the first time in what seems like weeks. months. maybe longer. he leans forward and rests his forehead against hers, nuzzling into her hand. ]
Don't make me leave if -- [ if john made the decision to not work together. he wants to hope that maybe they can figure something out this time but if they don't, he doesn't want to have to leave again. ]
We'll figure something out if that happens. [ he'd do anything he could to make that happen. ]
no subject
it's not like mixing in-laws for once a year get-togethers. this is about exposing agencies to one another, for better or for worse, to try to prevent the kind of genocidal disaster that the inner circle was so hellbent on creating. to protect their people, and to protect the innocent on both sides of the equation.
if john didn't want shield anywhere near the underground, and if shield wasn't willing to let daisy go... what choice did they have? it wasn't like they could just run away, leave it all behind. ]
I wouldn't ask you to leave them instead.
[ she's the sacrifice play. always has been. if it comes down to it, daisy goes down for the count. if it protects him, she'd do it. the underground needs him more than she does. ]
no subject
it doesn't matter if he knows she's right, he's still disappointed because he knows there's still a chance that this won't be able to continue past this night. if john doesn't want the partnership then they'd be, once again, cut off from each other. ]
I know you wouldn't.
[ and he wouldn't ask her to leave shield either. he'd never forgive himself if he even considered the idea of making her leave what she loved to do because of him. ]
I'm sorry.
[ he shakes his head slightly. ]
no subject
the truth is, this isn't the kind of situation where there's an easy answer. they can't just forget their responsibilities. they're both twined too deeply into a very personal set of struggles to ever just walk away, even if the romantic ideal might be nice to think about. but they can, in the moments where life allows, carve out a space for each other. they can try to walk a line between work and home, between "yours" and "mine", and have a small spot that's for them both.
even if it feels a little like escapism. maybe that's what they need. ]
You don't have to apologize. Can we just... not talk about it, for a little while? Please?
[ she feels a little ridiculous, too, for asking. the lingering question of what will they talk about doesn't get asked. ]
no subject
he sighs and nods. ]
We don't have to talk about it.
[ the next thing he wants to say is 'we don't have to talk at all' but that's one of those ways that they could escape but he isn't sure she's ready for. or wants. he sighs and nods, staying close to her and finding nothing coming to mind on what to talk about next.
they'd been pretty good at talking once before. and he thinks they still are but this wasn't really the time to talk about hobbies and the weather and food. ]
no subject
every few moments, daisy tries to say something, anything — her mouth opens, a quiet exhale or a soft coo, just anything to break the silence. and then nothing, her mouth closing shut again, a small shake of her head. what can she say? what can they talk about that isn't, in some way, connected to what they've already agreed not to talk about?
how's john, she wants to ask. how are clarice and the struckers and everyone else holding up? but it's too close for comfort. how's the baby, she almost says, but thinks better of it. definitely not the right time.
eventually, after who knows how many minutes of lingering uncomfortable silence, daisy exhales through her nose, a sound that seems to drag on much like the quiet between them had before. ]
All I can think about is all the things I don't want to talk about. [ her tongue sweeps out to brush over her lower lip, teeth dragging against the corner. nervous energy. ] And you. I keep... thinking about you, about what it was like when you were here before.
[ about what we used to do, on this floor, on this couch. ]
no subject
[ yeah, he knows all about thoughts like that. about asking about her work, her coworkers, how she's been, what she's been doing because they all, somehow, tie back to what they'd agreed to not talk about. and any information he wants to offer up will just bring it back to the subject that must not be named. he supposes that mundane subjects like the weather and television shows would be work but he can't see the conversations lasting long. ]
Yeah, I'm -- [ right there with you. he felt it too, the energy, the electricity and the only reason he hasn't acted on it is because he just wasn't sure it was reciprocated. but now he knows for sure and...he's still not acting on it but it's definitely not because he doesn't want to. he does. it's just such a complicated thing now. there were so many things to think about.
but then again, maybe they should just escape for a night. get lost in something good. ]
I should -- I should text John. [ which is not what he wanted to say but does need to do that. he needs to let him know he's all right. ] And then I can be yours for the night.
[ maybe, hopefully, that makes it better. he wants it to. ]
no subject
and then he gets up, walks away, and daisy's left to herself, her back up against the couch and the floor in front of her suddenly seeming an impossible expanse. she doesn't want to pry, doesn't want to look over his shoulder and investigate whatever messages he's sending. she could, if she really wanted to. she has the set up on her laptop, it wouldn't take long to port in his number or pull from the local cell tower traffic to find out what was being sent. but she doesn't want to do that. she doesn't want to infringe on his privacy like that, not if she doesn't have to.
but she can't just sit here either, staring at her hands, wondering if she's doing the right thing or making a giant mistake by admitting to feelings that she spent weeks trying to push back down. no, she has to get up, pace a little, find something for her mind to focus on while he handles whatever he needs.
when marcos is done, whether it be texts or a phone call or photo evidence of his still-breathing body, he'll find her in the kitchen, staring into the fridge like it holds the answers to life itself. ]
no subject
once that was done, he made his way through the apartment, eventually finding daisy in the kitchen. the pain in his arm is almost nonexistent and he barely realizes he still doesn't have his shirt on. he could go and find that, put it back on, make things a little easier but it's ruined anyway.
he comes to stand behind her, leaving a few feet of space between them. ]
What are you doing?
[ he doesn't think he'll startle her but he keeps his voice quiet anyway. he shifts a little to peer over her shoulder and see what was so interesting inside the fridge. ]
no subject
his voice startles her, and daisy spins around, shutting the fridge behind her with a slam. a flush blooms red over her cheeks and down the column of her neck as she takes a step backwards, her shoulders bumping into the freezer's top door. what was she doing? how does she answer that? ]
I was just... thinking, um. About what was in there, I guess.
[ not the best excuse. now that she's face to face with him again, it becomes even more painfully obvious that he's shirtless (if not a little bandaged on one side). why is that so difficult to tear her eyes away from?
maybe swallowing will help. forcing herself to take a breath, to fake a calm, self-assured smile. everything's fine, really. ]
Hi.
no subject
Hi.
[ he meets her smile with one of his own before rubbing at the back of his neck with his uninjured arm. ] John knows what's going on. I know we're not talking about it but I told him a few things and he'll call you tomorrow.
[ so, they just had to get through a night without exploding? could they do that? did he even want to do that? he licks his lips, falling into a quiet silence. they were back to that. the quiet, the silence. the not knowing what to say or do not that certain topics were cut off. ]
I can leave you alone if you want to keep looking in the fridge.
no subject
[ a feeling she knows pretty well. she doesn't begrudge john for being... well, however he's being. concerned, nervous, angry at her for being involved. she can only guess, and all her guesses aren't exactly positive ones.
but they're not talking about those things right now, so daisy tries her best to keep her voice neutral. calm. unaffected. ]
At least now he won't try to track you down.
[ another memory comes, unbidden. hiding in the woods, having picked up a cheap tent and bedroll from a clearance sale at some outdoor store, sneaking out from their responsibilities in the underground and in the zephyr for a night. thinking they had found privacy for once, only to be interrupted by the tracker himself. john had been embarrassed, but nothing had rivaled the flush across daisy's topless form, clutched behind the thin sheet.
this one makes her laugh, a quiet sound under her breath; the blush on her cheeks tonight only gets redder. ]
Do you remember that? I'd never been so ...
[ so embarrassed. something. her words trail off as her gaze tips up to his, as she takes in the sight of his tongue sweeping over his mouth. distracting, to say the least. ]
no subject
Yeah, I remember that. [ he sounds a little breathless in fact. he remembers how her skin had looked under the moonlight and how she'd felt pressed against his back at some point during the night. how the bedroll had been uncomfortable so she'd slept on him at one point and how he'd pressed his face against her stomach and admitted his fears about fatherhood and his kid to her.
they hadn't even broached that subject yet since he'd walked through her door tonight. ]
You'd never been as beautiful as that night. [ a simple, quiet admission. the truth. a fact. his own opinion but it's absolutely what he believes. ]
no subject
tonight's no different, and as if by instinct, daisy smiles back and offers the prompted reply. ] You weren't half-bad yourself.
[ he's not looking any worse for wear tonight, either. shirtless, breathless, scruffy and hair tousled — now that he's no longer wincing in pain or clutching his injuries, he looks more like a man who's... well. that's another memory altogether. one that involves the room just down the hall, many times over, amongst other places here and there. like the floor of this kitchen, for one.
she swallows again, throat a little tight; before she can stop herself, one hand reaches out to curl around one of his, gently pulling him that much closer. ]
Do you ever think about what it was like? When we were together?
[ when they touch, like this. when electricity tingles across her skin, when she practically glows from the inside out, when she can feel the earth trembling beneath their feet. like power, pure power, rushed between them. ]
I think about it all the time.
[ in bed, alone. ]
no subject
his eyes fall down to their hands while he steps closer to her, the distance between them slowly disappearing. ]
But I failed. I thought about that a lot. All the time. When I wanted to and when I didn't want to. [ she was not an easy person to forget and he hadn't wanted to forget her. he'd just wanted to put her aside so thinking about her didn't hurt so badly. ]
I still think about you. [ to this day. he was here, wasn't he? ] I don't think I'll ever stop.
no subject
I don't want you to stop. [ the words come out almost as a whisper, an echo of a phrase she's murmured in his ears more times than she can count — though with markedly different intentions. a tight swallow, and she manages to speak a little more normally. ] I don't want to stop thinking about you either.
[ whatever that means. thinking about him, caring about him, being with him? how much is she willing to risk to make it happen? ]
I don't think I could stop if I wanted to.
no subject
Then don't.
[ the words tumble out before he can stop them. he doesn't give himself time to second guess what he's saying, what he's offering, what he's opening himself up to. he just says the first thing that comes to mind and then falls quiet. he gives her hand a squeeze. ]
Then, don't stop.
no subject
her hand clings tight to his, fingers wrapping around, while the other reaches to skim over the exposed line of his collarbone where his shirt collar might have laid. if he was still wearing a shirt, she'd have grabbed it; instead, daisy wraps a hand around the back of his neck, soft at first and then — as if signaling her own abandon, firmer, giving him no choice but to stumble forward, closing the gap between them until he's a breath away. ]
Okay. [ repeated, whispered. okay, okay, okay. she can do this. ] God, I love you.
[ weird how final that feels to say out loud, as if she hasn't said a variation of it so many times over the course of the evening. how intense the words feel as they slip out of her mouth, bitten off firmly, all pretense lost. she does, though. she loves him more fiercely than she thinks she might love herself. ]
But if you don't kiss me, I'm probably going to scream.
no subject
stop talking about what's to come, keep thinking about each other and -- ]
Don't scream.
[ -- and yeah, kiss her. he leans closer, slow at first, still wondering if something is going to happen to stop this. a knock on her door, a phone ringing, a ceiling caving in but when a moment comes and goes and nothing happens, he lets himself believe that he's actually going to be able to have something good.
and so he erases that last bit of space and presses his lips to hers finally. it's tentative, a little cautious but only because he doesn't want to break this spell. it's not going to stay that way, rest assured.
because he remembers how she tastes, how her breath feels and he already wants more. ]
no subject
it doesn't take much to press herself into that last small sliver of space, or to open her mouth just that much more. it still doesn't feel like enough, not after all this wasted time between the last and today, but it's better. closer is better.
though, after a minute or two, she pulls back, breathless. ]
Don't stop. No matter what.
[ john himself could break through her door right now. doesn't matter. he can wait. everything can wait. ]
no subject
[ he nods hurriedly and those words plus her body flush against his body means he throws out any pretense of working things through gradually. her hand's in his hair and he leans forward, capturing her lips in a harder, deeper kiss this time. with the solidity of the refrigerator behind her, marcos leans into her, letting some of his weight settle against her.
he thinks that maybe he should ask if she wants to stay in here or go elsewhere but that would mean stopping the kiss and that would mean more talking and haven't they done enough talking already? logistics could wait.
right now, he was going to kiss by licking into her mouth and curling a hand around the hair falling over her shoulder. god, this day had been so terrible.
but this night was -- something else. ]
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)