[ he hates what he's about to do. but, ever since that tense conversation with strange over the network, it's all he's been able to think about. every single waking moment has been spent contemplating the fact that daisy is about to walk into what is most likely a death trap and he has the one thing that might stop her.
but, it's going to make her hate him and he knows it. in the end, it's a risk he's willing to take because at least she'll be alive to hate him. at least she'll still be breathing and able to glare at him and hit him and ignore him.
he's never been one to deserve good things and he's had her for awhile now. he'll be able to live in those memories for the rest of his life.
he has to do this because he knows that if she dies, a part of him is going to die with her. he's going to be alive but it won't be any kind of existence.
so, he waits till she's back in the hotel room and settled down and then he smiles at her (one last time) and gestures her closer to him. ]
[ it's been rough. a stressful couple of days, tensions high between the displaced. fear, nerves, rage; they all swirl together, twisted until daisy's spine has been tight with the weight of it all. she does her best to keep herself busy, to keep spirits up amongst the displaced on the train, but when night comes, she lets illya pull her into the room cassius put under her name, lets him encourage her to sit down and breathe.
and, apparently, into a conversation. well, one of what's been many since the day she told him what she was about to do. why should this one be any different? ]
Okay. [ even amidst the stress of the day, there's a casual affection in the rest of her hand on his knee, her shoulders sagging in exhale as she leans up against him. ] What's up?
I want to ask you one more time if you're sure this is what you want to do. There is still time to change your mind. If you do not take this favor, then he cannot hold you to what you promised to do.
[ he knows what the answer is going to be. he knows because he's asked her in so many different ways already. ]
[ exhaustion evident in all too many ways: the blow of breath between her lips, the slow shake of her head, the way her hand lifts to press against her eyes, as if it'll block out the reality of this repetitive conversation. ]
I'm sure. You know I'm sure. Why are you asking me?
[ yes, that is the answer he'd known would be coming but he'd wanted to try once more to see if something had changed her mind. if perhaps strange's post had gotten to her a little more than she let on.
but she was committed and now, so was he. ]
I've changed my mind.
[ he uses words from a previous conversation, harkens back to the first time they'd discussed this. ]
You told me that you wanted your powers back but not more than you wanted me. Prove it. If you go, it is —
[ his heart pounds so hard against his chest that he's almost positive that she can hear it. ]
[ it's like a bomb going off. his words drop between them, concerning at first and then rapidly a crescendo into outright disaster — and in response, daisy jerks back, scrambling to her feet. she stares at him, eyes wide, a mix of horror and complete fury leaving her face pale, the color and any softness she might have felt drained away. ]
Excuse me?
[ this is a joke, right? he's fucking with her. somebody put him up to it, somebody's making him say this, this isn't... illya loves her. he knows her. he knows what this means to her, he knows who she is, he wouldn't — he couldn't do this to her.
he isn't the type of man to control her like this. to jerk her around on a leash when convenient, to treat her like property. this is the kind of person he'd promised never to be.
but in the back of her head, in a voice cold as ice: little woman. ]
I have to draw a line, Daisy, and this is it. You are going to get yourself killed and I can't let that happen.
[ so, he drops the ultimatum into the space between them. he schools his expression into flinty hardness and he refuses to back down. ]
Do you want your powers back that badly? Are you willing to let this end just on the chance that it happens?
[ he has to keep telling himself that she'll be alive. she can hate him but she'll be alive. he's been hated by so many people and he's spent most of his life alone. he can do it again.
he was enough for awhile but that's all over now. ]
[ he doesn't get to give her a life she never thought she deserved and then just take it away. that's not the promise he made her. he promised to love her, to support her — they're supposed to get married, they're supposed to stay here, they're supposed to build a family for all the people they've loved who've left them, for all the people who don't have anywhere else to go.
fury and sorrow bloom in her chest, rising in her throat, choking her, and daisy has to fight to swallow them down. she has to fight back the tears pricking at her eyes, hold fast to the outrage that keeps her standing. ]
You promised!
[ her hands clasp together, twisting; her ring presses into the surface of her palm, a barb she wishes she could drive through this conversation. but he won't give. she won't give, and he won't give, and daisy realizes with an icy clarity: that'll be that.
with a tight shake of her head, daisy's gaze drops to the ring on her finger; it doesn't come off easy (because it was never meant to come off, it was meant to be a symbol of a promise that should never have been broken) but eventually, daisy manages to jerk it off her finger. the wince of pain can't be helped. ]
Take it. You want to go, go. I'm not going to let you tell me what to do.
Do you realize what you're doing right now, Daisy? You are choosing the possibility of getting something back over me. Over us. You didn't mean what you said, did you? You were always going to do this no matter what.
[ he can't help the bitterness edging the words. he hadn't thought this would work, really, but it had been the only thing left. it stings to know that she'd been dead set on this from the start.
she'd told him he was enough. she'd lied. ]
I don't want your ring. [ for so many reasons least of all because there is a tracker embedded in it. ] I want you to think about this. Think about what you're giving up. I want to be with you forever but there is going to be no forever if you go because you won't come back.
[ the una know that she and everyone else is coming. cassius can't be trusted and she's about to loose another ai on the world. this isn't going to end in anyway but badly. ]
Please. Just come back with me. Your powers can't be more important than this.
[ he's bitter and she's hurt; gone is any softness or love rounding the edges of her words. all that's left is exhaustion and loneliness and the sharp agony of loss. ]
You don't get to come and make demands. I'm not your secretary, I'm not — I'm not your property, I'm not your little woman. [ oh, there's that ice. cold and bitter and mean, a strength to lean on as her shoulders straighten, defensive and firm. ] I'm not your anything.
[ does he think she wants it? a memory of what she can't have, a constant reminder of what he's throwing away just to prove his control? was that all this was ever going to be? a circular promise of ownership, a way to settle her when his words could not? she won't do it. she won't let him control her. that's not the life she agreed to. ]
You know what's more important than this? Not being fucking given ultimatums by somebody who said they loved me.
[ too bad, illya. you're getting the ring. or somebody is. he can donate it to housekeeping for all she cares, but it's going on the dresser. ]
[ illya wants nothing more than to apologize. to take this back, to rewind time, to erase this whole ugly altercation from history because he can't breathe. he'd gone into this with the best of intentions and now it was all in shambles at his feet. his ring was on the dresser and there was a chasm between them that he's never seen before. ]
I have never asked you for anything until now. Until right now because I don't want you to die. But, if this is what you think of me and what you've always thought, then fine.
[ he shakes his head and straightens in the same way that she squares her own shoulders. ]
If you are going to go then I wish you the best of luck.
You didn't ask me anything! You sat me down with this bullshit 'do what I say or I'm leaving you' ultimatum, and now I'm the bad guy?
[ unbelievable. absolutely unbelievable. after everything that they've survived, after everything they've lived through, after disappearances and hurt and pain and suffering, he would just threaten walk away — and worse, that he would blame her for doing it? ]
You think I'm going to die in there? Well, I hope I do. [ and, as cruel as that sounds, she means it. there's a coldness in the words that can't be faked. ] And I hope you think about the fact that you could have been there with me when I do.
All I've been thinking about is that you shouldn't be there at all! No one should be! Cassius is a murderer and I don't trust him. I don't know how anyone does.
[ would his support really been enough to withstand an ai? he doesn't think so. ]
I don't want to die and I don't want you to die. I don't want anyone to die. [ except the una. ]
I cannot convince you. You cannot convince me. We — just be safe.
[ she doesn't want his pity. she doesn't want pity or condolences or hollow words of hope. she wanted his comfort and his steady hand beside her and the knowledge that, no matter what happened, he would be there to stand at her side.
alone, there is fear. the sudden, undeniable knowledge that the mission she is undertaking could very well kill her. there is only that awareness, and the contrasting misery of loss, that propels her.
her voice cracks, her eyes water, but it's with fury that she says the last words she can before the door opens. ]
[ he doesn't say anything else because there is nothing else to say. he watches her slam her out of the room and stands there, alone and bereft and completely at a loss. ]
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
action ➤ ( this is your fault stephen strange )
but, it's going to make her hate him and he knows it. in the end, it's a risk he's willing to take because at least she'll be alive to hate him. at least she'll still be breathing and able to glare at him and hit him and ignore him.
he's never been one to deserve good things and he's had her for awhile now. he'll be able to live in those memories for the rest of his life.
he has to do this because he knows that if she dies, a part of him is going to die with her. he's going to be alive but it won't be any kind of existence.
so, he waits till she's back in the hotel room and settled down and then he smiles at her (one last time) and gestures her closer to him. ]
I need to talk to you.
i'm ready, murder me
and, apparently, into a conversation. well, one of what's been many since the day she told him what she was about to do. why should this one be any different? ]
Okay. [ even amidst the stress of the day, there's a casual affection in the rest of her hand on his knee, her shoulders sagging in exhale as she leans up against him. ] What's up?
let's do this horrible thing
[ he knows what the answer is going to be. he knows because he's asked her in so many different ways already. ]
I'm worried that this is going to go badly.
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[ exhaustion evident in all too many ways: the blow of breath between her lips, the slow shake of her head, the way her hand lifts to press against her eyes, as if it'll block out the reality of this repetitive conversation. ]
I'm sure. You know I'm sure. Why are you asking me?
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but she was committed and now, so was he. ]
I've changed my mind.
[ he uses words from a previous conversation, harkens back to the first time they'd discussed this. ]
You told me that you wanted your powers back but not more than you wanted me. Prove it. If you go, it is —
[ his heart pounds so hard against his chest that he's almost positive that she can hear it. ]
If you go, you will not have me anymore.
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Excuse me?
[ this is a joke, right? he's fucking with her. somebody put him up to it, somebody's making him say this, this isn't... illya loves her. he knows her. he knows what this means to her, he knows who she is, he wouldn't — he couldn't do this to her.
he isn't the type of man to control her like this. to jerk her around on a leash when convenient, to treat her like property. this is the kind of person he'd promised never to be.
but in the back of her head, in a voice cold as ice: little woman. ]
What did you just say?
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I have to draw a line, Daisy, and this is it. You are going to get yourself killed and I can't let that happen.
[ so, he drops the ultimatum into the space between them. he schools his expression into flinty hardness and he refuses to back down. ]
Do you want your powers back that badly? Are you willing to let this end just on the chance that it happens?
[ he has to keep telling himself that she'll be alive. she can hate him but she'll be alive. he's been hated by so many people and he's spent most of his life alone. he can do it again.
he was enough for awhile but that's all over now. ]
no subject
[ he doesn't get to give her a life she never thought she deserved and then just take it away. that's not the promise he made her. he promised to love her, to support her — they're supposed to get married, they're supposed to stay here, they're supposed to build a family for all the people they've loved who've left them, for all the people who don't have anywhere else to go.
fury and sorrow bloom in her chest, rising in her throat, choking her, and daisy has to fight to swallow them down. she has to fight back the tears pricking at her eyes, hold fast to the outrage that keeps her standing. ]
You promised!
[ her hands clasp together, twisting; her ring presses into the surface of her palm, a barb she wishes she could drive through this conversation. but he won't give. she won't give, and he won't give, and daisy realizes with an icy clarity: that'll be that.
with a tight shake of her head, daisy's gaze drops to the ring on her finger; it doesn't come off easy (because it was never meant to come off, it was meant to be a symbol of a promise that should never have been broken) but eventually, daisy manages to jerk it off her finger. the wince of pain can't be helped. ]
Take it. You want to go, go. I'm not going to let you tell me what to do.
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[ he can't help the bitterness edging the words. he hadn't thought this would work, really, but it had been the only thing left. it stings to know that she'd been dead set on this from the start.
she'd told him he was enough. she'd lied. ]
I don't want your ring. [ for so many reasons least of all because there is a tracker embedded in it. ] I want you to think about this. Think about what you're giving up. I want to be with you forever but there is going to be no forever if you go because you won't come back.
[ the una know that she and everyone else is coming. cassius can't be trusted and she's about to loose another ai on the world. this isn't going to end in anyway but badly. ]
Please. Just come back with me. Your powers can't be more important than this.
[ or can they? ]
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[ he's bitter and she's hurt; gone is any softness or love rounding the edges of her words. all that's left is exhaustion and loneliness and the sharp agony of loss. ]
You don't get to come and make demands. I'm not your secretary, I'm not — I'm not your property, I'm not your little woman. [ oh, there's that ice. cold and bitter and mean, a strength to lean on as her shoulders straighten, defensive and firm. ] I'm not your anything.
[ does he think she wants it? a memory of what she can't have, a constant reminder of what he's throwing away just to prove his control? was that all this was ever going to be? a circular promise of ownership, a way to settle her when his words could not? she won't do it. she won't let him control her. that's not the life she agreed to. ]
You know what's more important than this? Not being fucking given ultimatums by somebody who said they loved me.
[ too bad, illya. you're getting the ring. or somebody is. he can donate it to housekeeping for all she cares, but it's going on the dresser. ]
Fuck you.
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I have never asked you for anything until now. Until right now because I don't want you to die. But, if this is what you think of me and what you've always thought, then fine.
[ he shakes his head and straightens in the same way that she squares her own shoulders. ]
If you are going to go then I wish you the best of luck.
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[ unbelievable. absolutely unbelievable. after everything that they've survived, after everything they've lived through, after disappearances and hurt and pain and suffering, he would just threaten walk away — and worse, that he would blame her for doing it? ]
You think I'm going to die in there? Well, I hope I do. [ and, as cruel as that sounds, she means it. there's a coldness in the words that can't be faked. ] And I hope you think about the fact that you could have been there with me when I do.
[ how dare you. ]
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[ would his support really been enough to withstand an ai? he doesn't think so. ]
I don't want to die and I don't want you to die. I don't want anyone to die. [ except the una. ]
I cannot convince you. You cannot convince me. We — just be safe.
[ it's the only words he has left. ]
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alone, there is fear. the sudden, undeniable knowledge that the mission she is undertaking could very well kill her. there is only that awareness, and the contrasting misery of loss, that propels her.
her voice cracks, her eyes water, but it's with fury that she says the last words she can before the door opens. ]
Go to hell, Illya.
[ maybe she'll see you there. ]
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