You have to understand something. Most of the people that we're sheltering, they're not going to trust you or your people. They're not. We've been on our own for years now and it's been dangerous but it's been safe. We haven't had to worry about being betrayed.
[ and now here he was, considering going back here and proposing this. proposing that they leave themselves open and vulnerable to an organization that they know little about. he's been able to fill in some blanks but even he doesn't know the entirety of what she does. ]
It's not just me. People have been sold out by their families, by their friends so if I go back there and ask them this, you'd better be goddamn sure that every single person you work for is solid and true. Because I will personally come for them if they aren't.
[ he trusts her. that doesn't mean he trusts everyone associated with her. ]
And I can't make any promises. If I go back and they still don't want to, you stop acting like I've ruined your goddamn life. Because there's no guarantee.
So what do you want? What am I supposed to give you that will magically answer everyone's questions, that will prove that we do what we say we do? Do you want me to stand in the front of the class and take questions? Do you want a lie detector test? Do you want to cut me open and see if my insides match the outsides?
[ so much melodrama... but at the same time, she means it. whatever it will take, whatever answers he's seeking or proof they want, she'll give it. he speaks of the mutant underground as his people, but to daisy, it's all the same. people who can do incredible things not by choice but by blood, who have been outcast from society through no fault of their own, who deserve safety and protection and happiness when the world outside would deny it to them every day of their lives. that's being the shield. ]
Whatever you want me to do, I'll do it. Whatever they want to know, I'll tell them. I just want them to be safe without having to live in a death trap of an abandoned warehouse.
[ she sighs, tired and exhausted — both from this fight and from life in general. her one night off. what a joke. ]
Nobody's getting drafted into a war they don't want to fight. That's not what this offer is. If they want to fight, we can use the help — and whatever they give, I'll make sure they get back.
[ a pause. ]
But let's make one thing clear. You walking out on me? That did ruin my life.
I don't know! I don't know. I won't know until I get back there and talk to John. I'm leaving the decision to him.
[ he'd built the mutant underground. he's the leader which means this decision is his. this is a decision he'll have to think about and consider once marcos has talked to him. and marcos trusts him to see both sides and decide what to do. maybe he'll say no. maybe he'll say yes. maybe he'll make her come to their headquarters and he'll grill her himself. ]
I'll give him your number. You can talk to him from here on out.
[ that's what it seems like she wants, doesn't it? he's ruined her life, he's ruined the mutant underground, he's been the one to mess it all up, hasn't he? so, maybe it's time to pass everything onto john when it comes to this situation at least. ]
I need to go. [ he'd been gone a while already and he's lost sight of what he'd come here for in the first place. his arm is still burning, a throbbing ache that's made it to his skull. ] John'll call you when he can.
[ mister marine making the decision? fine. fine. it could be worse — but more importantly, daisy knows she's not going to be able to force him to make a decision like this in one night. not on behalf of an entire organization.
but that doesn't mean she wants him to ghost her. radio silence clearly didn't help them before. it just made them both bitter and angry and hurt for all the wrong reasons, left alone to run their minds over every encounter to justify and victimize every painful memory. she doesn't want to do that again, not if they have even the smallest chance of working together. ]
But you don't have to go. [ there's a quietness to the statement, almost a shyness, that surprises even daisy as she says it. she's quick to follow up with justification. ] I'm not kicking you out, I mean. I have a medkit, ice packs. [ perhaps most importantly: ] A washer and dryer, a couch. You can stay, if you want to.
[ her gaze shifts over to the kitchen counter, where a stack of takeout menus sprawl out. ]
Are you hungry? I could order Chinese from that place on Fifth you like.
[ like we used to hangs in the air between them, a tenuous attempt at an olive branch. it doesn't have to mean anything. it doesn't have to go anywhere. it can just be two allies, sharing a meal for old time's sake. if the tight set of his jaw is any indication, he's in too much pain to go anywhere anyway. ]
Or I have some pain meds Fitzsimmons cooked up, if you need them. From when my arms fractured. They should be strong enough for you. But you probably shouldn't take those on an empty stomach.
[ take her up on something. anything. let her help you, just this once. please. ]
[ she's trying. she's trying really hard and the part of him that's just heard that he's ruined her life wants to rear up and scream at her. ask her if this is pity or some sort of obligation to him she thinks she has. but he knows that's not her style. she wouldn't do something just because she has to. ]
I need to do something about my arm.
[ anything else would have to wait. whatever reeva had done was still affecting him. he wasn't so woozy on his feet anymore but the pain was still there, like his arm was fire and not in the way he felt when he used his powers. this was something completely different. ]
I haven't gotten it treated since it happened. [ because he'd gone from there to here and then she'd dug her fingers into the sensitive area and he really just wanted to cut the limb off. that would take the pain away, he guesses. ]
So I, uh, I need to do something about that. Because I don't know what she did to me. [ and it was freaking him the hell out. he has no idea how anyone can defeat a power like that. ]
[ his arm. because he'd been in pain when he'd gotten here, hadn't he? and then they'd fought, and she'd fought back, and now he was in even more pain. her fault, of course. his pain, it's always her fault — because no matter what promises she made, daisy was always too headstrong for her own good, too swayed by her own emotions to see clearly in the thick of things.
she'd grabbed his arms and pulled just to prove a point, and now she was paying for it, wasn't she? ]
Let me get you something for the pain.
[ she gestures towards the couch — sit. please — before making her way into the hall. from under the sink, she pulls a box of assorted medical supplies, all assembled and organized by jemma when daisy had moved in. there's nothing specifically set aside for "unknown power causing extreme pain", but there's plenty for treating wounds and stabilizing emergency conditions. from the cabinet, a nondescript blue bottle, filled with tightly packed gray tablets. superpills, fitz had called them. the equivalent of many doses all condensed into one, with enough stoppage power to dull the pain of even a million fractures all at once. perfect for a girl still learning to control her own earthquakes, but not so useful for daisy anymore.
as she leaves the bathroom and heads into the kitchen to retrieve the ice as promised, she asks: ] What happened?
[ he doesn't have to tell her everything, but the more she knows, the better she can help. ]
[ he sits at the very edge of the couch, like he's prepared to get up and leave at the first sign that something else was going to go down. he rests his arm on his knees, pulling the remnants of his sleeve up and over to give it more air to breathe. ]
I don't know. [ and he's not being deliberately obtuse. he really has no idea what she'd done. ] She's why I came here in the first place.
[ he wanted information. he'd wanted something on this woman to help them. ] Reeva Payge. She runs the Inner Circle. I was there, trying to get Lorna to come back. And she...turned my own powers on me. I felt like I was dying.
[ that was not an exaggeration. he'd managed to burn one of the frosts and then reeva had swept in and whatever she'd done had been the worst pain of his life. the absolute worst. ]
I've never felt anything like it. [ and he doesn't want to feel it ever again. ]
[ gear in tow, daisy settles on the floor in front of the couch, knees folded underneath her. in silence, each supply is pulled out and laid out beside her, everything from gauze and dressing to bandages to cleaning supplies; she's quiet, listening to him talk, her eyes darting up every so often to get a better look.
the sleeve is mangled, frayed along the outline of the burn. even with marcos pushing it away, the shreds of fabric tangle inside the wound. it looks painful. beyond painful. daisy hesitates for a moment before leaning forward, her hands delicately avoiding direct contact with the wound. ]
I'm sorry about Lorna. [ she doesn't like lorna, but she knows what lorna means to him. she's not callous enough to wish the woman pain or injury just because of dislike. ] And I'm sorry to ask, but ... [ her fingertips skim to the topmost button of his shirt. ] I think we have to take this off.
[ she knows what it sounds like. but it's not what she means. not this time. ]
It's ruined anyway. [ he has other shirts but it's just a topper on this shitty day. the fingers of his good hand curl into his palm and he nods, eyes flicking to her briefly. ]
Go ahead. [ he knows he doesn't have to say be careful because she can see his arm. yanking his shirt off him roughly is just going to aggravate the burn and piss him off and haven't they had enough of that tonight? ]
Lorna's made her choice. [ for now. he's not giving up on her but he can't go back there without having something on reeva payge. something that might combat her voice and then, the abilities of the frosts to boot. ]
My priority now is making sure everyone else is safe. [ except himself, obviously. ]
[ it doesn't take a trained doctor to know to be careful. her ministrations are soft, patient; rather than drag his injured arm up, daisy cuts the seam connecting the sleeve to the body of his shirt, separating the fabric so that the sleeve can pull down while the rest stays connected. it's easy enough, then, to unbutton and undress, gently leaning him forward as needed until the shirt lays in a pool on the floor beneath them.
the sight isn't unfamiliar. it twinges something in her memory, a warmth low in her belly that's both unasked for and unhelpful. she can't think about that right now.
better to focus her attentions on the wound itself. a cool sterile cloth, soaked through with cold water from the fridge and further chilled by the ice it's been resting on, gently lays atop the burn. it'll sting, sizzling even, but after a moment, the pain will give way to numbness. ]
Here. Two of these. No more.
[ the bottle of medication and a glass of water next, handed over with one hand while the other presses the cloth in place. thanks to fitzsimmons' genius work, the pills should put a damper on the nervous system's pain receptors, while still allowing him to remain in focus and alert. ]
[ he doesn't try and stifle his reactions at this point. she knows he's in pain so when she starts taking care of it, he hisses, wincing and shifting the tiniest bit because he can't stop himself. the suddenness of the dressing makes him curse low, under his breath. he sits there, fingernails pressing painfully into his palm until the worst of the pain eases.
then, he takes the offered painkillers and downs them without water. he doesn't need them and he wants them to start working as soon as possible. he blinks his eyes open, finally focusing a little more than he'd been doing while she'd been touching his arm.
he realizes, then, that he's sitting there without his shirt, on her couch, and she's close. he's suddenly grateful for his skin tone because she'd be able to see the flush if not. he swallows and flexes his hand a bit. there's still pain but it's dulled significantly already. ]
I'm good. I can take it. Go ahead.
[ better to get it done with so he can try and put it out of his mind. ]
[ she tries to be quick. thankfully, he doesn't have any deep cuts or other sutures that would require stitches; the process of applying fresh, clean bandages is more of a juggling act than anything else, hands deftly switching between keeping the gauze in place and unraveling the medical tape that will take over for her hands-free.
eventually, all is in place, a pattern of zigzagging tape and gauze creating a thin barrier along his arm. it looks worse than it is — but if she remembers anything about mutant bodies, it'll heal given enough time. and, perhaps, enough energy to do so. the worst of it is over. ]
There. [ a hand drapes fingertips from his upper arm down to his wrist; if she's wrapped him up well, and if the drugs have kicked in, it should only tingle slightly, like nails along the scalp ] Is that better?
[ once she's done, he tries to move his arm and while it still doesn't feel great, it's a muted pain that he's easily able to tolerate. her fingertips draw one reaction from him: a shiver that has nothing to do with pain.
goddammit, he'd thought those feelings were dead and buried. she'd thrown him out and he'd walked away and he'd just become angry and bitter about the whole thing. he'd locked that part of himself away despite john and clarice trying to get him to talk about it.
and now here he was, back in her living room, sans his shirt and shivering. ]
It's fine. Thank you.
[ it doesn't feel like his arm's going to fall off anymore. ]
[ a small, soft smile curves across her mouth, relief washing away some of the nerves that were tangled up in her stomach. some. the rest still linger as she peers up at him, her eyes taking in all the parts of him she'd long since memorized.
he looks good. it'd be stupid to ignore that. stress and danger keeps them all thin, and she's pleased to see he hasn't shaved the beard she'd found so much pleasure in running her fingers through. but now's not the time or the place — even though the couch used to be the place, didn't it, if the memories that have started to flit through the back of her mind are anything to judge by — to restoke that fire.
even if, right now, it's extremely tempting to lean up on her knees and close that gap. ]
You probably shouldn't take painkillers on an empty stomach, though, and I'm pretty sure the Inner Circle's not in the habit of feeding its enemies. [ correct her if she's wrong, but she's sure she's not. ] Plus, I can't exactly get to work on an empty stomach.
No, there was no five course dinner before Reeva Payge did whatever she can do. [ he'd seen a lot of powerful abilities but that was something else. he'd felt pain but worse, he'd felt fear. terror that he was going to die right then and there, leave john and clarice alone and never get a chance to make up for so many mistakes. ]
I haven't eaten in awhile. [ maybe since last night? he tends to leave the food for those that really need it and only eat when he can't avoid it. ]
I could eat. [ and it sounds like he was going to be made to eat too especially if she was going to be his caregiver for the moment. ] Guess I should so I don't end up sick.
[ but that would be one way to make sure that he didn't get tempted to...stop keeping his distance because that was already happening. ]
You need to keep your strength up if you're going to save the world, Marcos.
[ a twinge of guilt dampens her smile. memories of so many fights — about shield, about daisy's part in it, about the relative luxury she lived in here versus what the underground had at their disposal. especially after being fractured by lorna's departure and the loss of so many good men and women. there had been so many times that daisy had wanted to walk into their warehouse with arms full of food and supplies, but without their agreement, she'd never have made it in the doors.
but maybe that could change. maybe they could work together, and those that still were in need could be cared for. like marcos, tonight, over chinese food and the lull of whatever program he wanted to watch, with the power of the remote she sets in his hands. ]
I'll get enough for you to take some back with you. A hot meal might change their minds, right? [ it's not that simple, but it's an easy kindness to give. daisy remembers what it's like to not have enough to eat. ] It shouldn't take long.
[ and thanks to the magic of the internet, it doesn't even require moving. just a few taps on her phone, and all's done. she even splurges for express delivery. ]
Do you want to, um. [ should she get up? now that dressing wounds and tending care isn't the primary objective, she can't help but recognize the sense of deja vu in being on her knees in front of him on her couch. daisy, stop. ] There's a million channels. I'm sure there's something to watch.
[ and yet... she doesn't immediately move. rooted to the spot, face tipped up towards him, unable to tear her gaze away again. ]
I could barely save myself today. [ it's acidic to say but it's true. the power he has is dwarfed by the power reeva and her blonde hench women have. they could have very easily killed him and he almost wonders why they didn't. maybe to bring a message back to the underground as to who they're messing with? he doesn't know. he didn't stick around to ask because they literally dumped him out on the street. ]
I guess it couldn't hurt. [ and he thought maybe he'd owe them after doing a disappearing act. he was going to have to at least text john so he didn't start breaking walls and freaking out. ]
You don't need to entertain me. [ the words are soft, quiet while her gaze catches his and he holds it. it's a bad idea, his brain says. there's no guarantee here. it could all go wrong especially if john doesn't want to work with them. would she throw him out again, blame him for turning her down?
it's a bad idea but he can't stop thinking about it. he's managed to put her out of mind sometimes but she'd always come back, a sudden thought because of something he'd seen, a dream to help him sleep better. it was always something. ]
You don't need to do anything. [ she's already done enough. ]
[ "you don't need to entertain me." he says it, and daisy wants to correct him, because this isn't about entertainment. it's about... well, it's not about that. it's about caring about another person, something she's always tried to do. with him, with the caterpillars, with every innocent person she's come across since joining up with shield years ago.
but it's not just an innocent person. it's marcos, and the weight of their past hangs over every movement she makes. it lingers in her memories, it prompts words she swallows down, it suggests actions she's neither brave nor self-indulgent enough to make. like closing the gap between them, like cradling his face in her hands, like whispering his name the way she has a million times before. marcos, she wants to say, and the three words she used to always follow it up with. but those words can't be said anymore.
she has to say something else. anything else. ]
I — [ but the words don't come out right away, because his gaze doesn't leave hers. there's a hush to the air, a silence that falls over both of them, until he breaks it again. you don't need to do anything. the spell breaks, and daisy frowns. ] I would do anything for you, Marcos.
[ truth, simple and bare. no laughter, no teasing, no double entendre twisting the definition of her words. just honest emotion. a confession. ]
[ isn't that how they got into this mess in the first place? trying to do anything and everything for the other? getting so wrapped up that when it came to an end, it felt like the removal of a limb? there time together had been intense and all consuming and it had been good. he'd never felt like that about someone else and, for awhile, he'd thought it could last, be a real, permanent thing.
and then it had ended up and it nearly killed him. he'd shut down for awhile after that, letting only a few people in. time passed and wounds healed but now, here he was, back again and feeling that all too familiar tug of attraction and desire and want and something else. something deeper, something more.
it was still there. he hadn't healed. he'd just buried those feelings to try and keep going.
without thinking too much, marcos finds himself sliding off the couch and down beside her, in front of her, whatever. his knees hit the carpet and he's careful not to jostle his bandaged arm too much but words like that, her words, her face, her everything are too hard to resist. he doesn't touch though.
not yet. ]
You said I ruined your life.
[ there's no accusation but curiosity. a question. if she was still feeling something, wasn't she afraid of that happening again? ]
[ he's close. he's so close. her heart beats wildly in her chest, threatening to crack open her ribs in order to leap across the narrow gap between them; the sound of it rumbles in her ears, deafeningly loud. how can he not hear it? ]
Losing you ruined my life, Marcos. [ a critical distinction. how could he ever think he ruined her life? ] And it was my fault. I was so stubborn, so goddamn hurt and stubborn and afraid, I just let you walk away.
[ she'd regretted it every day since, but hadn't known how to fix it. hadn't known how to swallow her pride enough to ask for a second chance. ]
Losing you, losing ... all of this? Worrying about you, wondering if you were okay, searching the news every day for any reports of mutant deaths or Sentinel Services or... god, any of it. I had old contacts from Rising Tide check in on you guys, make sure your electric bills got paid off; I had Mack use his old connections in Atlanta to ask the local cops to steer clear of the warehouse... I never, never stopped worrying about you. That ruined my life.
[ her words are rushed, frenetic; there's a desperate edge to them, as she tries to clear all the fog from her mind that comes with all the memories of those horrible first few weeks without him. where she'd just laid in bed and cried, curled up in her bunk on the zephyr, unable to do much of anything but drown in the misery of it all. jemma had brought her tea and soup, fitz had brought her battery packs for her laptop, but mostly... everyone had just steered clear. a hurt, emotional inhuman with the power to fracture the earth wasn't one you wanted to upset any further by saying the wrong thing. ]
Being with you was the happiest I think I've ever been. You didn't ruin anything. I did.
I didn't know you did all that. [ but how could he have known, he reasons? he wasn't looking for anything like that. no one was. when he'd walked out and she'd let him, he'd assumed that all avenues, all connections were closed. a clean break while she did her work with shield and he did his with the mutant underground.
he'd been wrong. he'd been incredibly wrong. ]
I'm sorry. [ he looks down, embarrassed and guilty that she'd done so much and he'd been spending his time seething, angry and upset that she'd turned her back just because he'd disagreed with her.
he sighs and it's a shaky thing, a strained thing. but, he also reaches across the small bit of space between them and curls two of his fingers around her hand. the smallest, slightest bit of a peace offering. or a signal that he heard her heart and his was doing the same thumping beat against his ribcage. ] I didn't know.
[ her hand is shaky against his, rotating in his grip to squeeze back. there's a breath caught in her throat, an uncomfortable anxiety rolling in her belly; the uncertainty of everything leaves her feeling a little light-headed. like the floor was going to slip out from underneath her. ]
I would do it all over again, if it meant keeping you safe.
[ true. no lie detector test needed, no bright lights shone in her eyes to discourage dishonesty. she'd have done it a million times over, if necessary, to protect him. to protect all of them, the inhumans and the mutants and their loved ones, from the people who only wished them harm. from sentinel services, from the watchdogs, from the purifiers. from anyone who seethed and hissed freak under their breath when someone different walked past on the street.
for marcos, she'd do anything. like let him into her apartment after months of silence, like abandon her night off to nurse him back to health, like send him home with arms full of food just to make sure everyone else got some. it didn't matter that they weren't together anymore. some things just don't change. ]
I'm the one who should apologize. I... I expected so much of you. Things you could never have given, promises you couldn't have kept. [ her frown grows a little more pronounced, though her hand clings tight to his. ] I'm sorry. For everything.
Yeah, but I wanted to try. To give you those things, to be the person you wanted me to be. I wanted to try. Things just got -- [ crazy. intense. and then chaotic. they'd fallen apart almost as fast as they'd come together and now they seemingly had a second chance. is that what this was? a chance to pick up the bits and pieces of their relationship and try and puzzle them back together.
or was this just residual feelings? things they'd never fully let go of and now that they were face to face again were coming to the surface? he doesn't know the answer to that. he knows what answer he wants it to be but he doesn't know the real answer. ]
I still love you. [ it's a leap he feels like he has to take. he'd tried to forget those feelings, tried to convince himself that he didn't but it hadn't worked. nothing had worked and so he's kneeling there in front of her, feeling those emotions bloom once again, sliding over him like a comfortable blanket. ]
I never really stopped. [ he shrugs and looks a little shy about that. ] You don't have to say anything. I just wanted you to know.
[ suddenly, her heart stops. the deafening sound of it slamming into her ribcage is replaced almost instantaneously by the echo of silence. her breath, her heart — it all seems to still as she stares at him, eyes wide, mouth parted just slightly as she tries to come to terms with what he's said.
i still love you. she doesn't know whether to say it back or pull away, whether to laugh or cry, whether to squeeze his hand hard enough to imprint the patterns of her skin on to his or run away while she still has a chance. because if she says it back, what then? what options do they have?
to be together, to be a hurricane of emotions that threatened to take the other out, or to not, and suffer apart? no good answer, really, but daisy knew which one she wanted. fuck the consequences.
her hand slips out of his, a regrettable necessity in order to cup his face in her hands, thumbs brushing soft against the stubble of his cheeks. so close. he can probably feel her breath as she exhales, hot and shaky. ]
I couldn't have stopped if I tried. And I did, I tried so hard, but it never worked. I never stopped loving you.
[ his breath gusts out in an exhale, relief and happiness flickering over his face. he wouldn't have been upset if she hadn't returned the sentiment but it would have hurt. deep down, it would have hurt though he wouldn't have shown it. she had every right not to feel anything for him after everything.
but, she does. she still does and he smiles for the first time in what seems like weeks. months. maybe longer. he leans forward and rests his forehead against hers, nuzzling into her hand. ]
Don't make me leave if -- [ if john made the decision to not work together. he wants to hope that maybe they can figure something out this time but if they don't, he doesn't want to have to leave again. ]
We'll figure something out if that happens. [ he'd do anything he could to make that happen. ]
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
no subject
[ and now here he was, considering going back here and proposing this. proposing that they leave themselves open and vulnerable to an organization that they know little about. he's been able to fill in some blanks but even he doesn't know the entirety of what she does. ]
It's not just me. People have been sold out by their families, by their friends so if I go back there and ask them this, you'd better be goddamn sure that every single person you work for is solid and true. Because I will personally come for them if they aren't.
[ he trusts her. that doesn't mean he trusts everyone associated with her. ]
And I can't make any promises. If I go back and they still don't want to, you stop acting like I've ruined your goddamn life. Because there's no guarantee.
no subject
[ so much melodrama... but at the same time, she means it. whatever it will take, whatever answers he's seeking or proof they want, she'll give it. he speaks of the mutant underground as his people, but to daisy, it's all the same. people who can do incredible things not by choice but by blood, who have been outcast from society through no fault of their own, who deserve safety and protection and happiness when the world outside would deny it to them every day of their lives. that's being the shield. ]
Whatever you want me to do, I'll do it. Whatever they want to know, I'll tell them. I just want them to be safe without having to live in a death trap of an abandoned warehouse.
[ she sighs, tired and exhausted — both from this fight and from life in general. her one night off. what a joke. ]
Nobody's getting drafted into a war they don't want to fight. That's not what this offer is. If they want to fight, we can use the help — and whatever they give, I'll make sure they get back.
[ a pause. ]
But let's make one thing clear. You walking out on me? That did ruin my life.
no subject
[ he'd built the mutant underground. he's the leader which means this decision is his. this is a decision he'll have to think about and consider once marcos has talked to him. and marcos trusts him to see both sides and decide what to do. maybe he'll say no. maybe he'll say yes. maybe he'll make her come to their headquarters and he'll grill her himself. ]
I'll give him your number. You can talk to him from here on out.
[ that's what it seems like she wants, doesn't it? he's ruined her life, he's ruined the mutant underground, he's been the one to mess it all up, hasn't he? so, maybe it's time to pass everything onto john when it comes to this situation at least. ]
I need to go. [ he'd been gone a while already and he's lost sight of what he'd come here for in the first place. his arm is still burning, a throbbing ache that's made it to his skull. ] John'll call you when he can.
no subject
[ mister marine making the decision? fine. fine. it could be worse — but more importantly, daisy knows she's not going to be able to force him to make a decision like this in one night. not on behalf of an entire organization.
but that doesn't mean she wants him to ghost her. radio silence clearly didn't help them before. it just made them both bitter and angry and hurt for all the wrong reasons, left alone to run their minds over every encounter to justify and victimize every painful memory. she doesn't want to do that again, not if they have even the smallest chance of working together. ]
But you don't have to go. [ there's a quietness to the statement, almost a shyness, that surprises even daisy as she says it. she's quick to follow up with justification. ] I'm not kicking you out, I mean. I have a medkit, ice packs. [ perhaps most importantly: ] A washer and dryer, a couch. You can stay, if you want to.
[ her gaze shifts over to the kitchen counter, where a stack of takeout menus sprawl out. ]
Are you hungry? I could order Chinese from that place on Fifth you like.
[ like we used to hangs in the air between them, a tenuous attempt at an olive branch. it doesn't have to mean anything. it doesn't have to go anywhere. it can just be two allies, sharing a meal for old time's sake. if the tight set of his jaw is any indication, he's in too much pain to go anywhere anyway. ]
Or I have some pain meds Fitzsimmons cooked up, if you need them. From when my arms fractured. They should be strong enough for you. But you probably shouldn't take those on an empty stomach.
[ take her up on something. anything. let her help you, just this once. please. ]
no subject
I need to do something about my arm.
[ anything else would have to wait. whatever reeva had done was still affecting him. he wasn't so woozy on his feet anymore but the pain was still there, like his arm was fire and not in the way he felt when he used his powers. this was something completely different. ]
I haven't gotten it treated since it happened. [ because he'd gone from there to here and then she'd dug her fingers into the sensitive area and he really just wanted to cut the limb off. that would take the pain away, he guesses. ]
So I, uh, I need to do something about that. Because I don't know what she did to me. [ and it was freaking him the hell out. he has no idea how anyone can defeat a power like that. ]
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she'd grabbed his arms and pulled just to prove a point, and now she was paying for it, wasn't she? ]
Let me get you something for the pain.
[ she gestures towards the couch — sit. please — before making her way into the hall. from under the sink, she pulls a box of assorted medical supplies, all assembled and organized by jemma when daisy had moved in. there's nothing specifically set aside for "unknown power causing extreme pain", but there's plenty for treating wounds and stabilizing emergency conditions. from the cabinet, a nondescript blue bottle, filled with tightly packed gray tablets. superpills, fitz had called them. the equivalent of many doses all condensed into one, with enough stoppage power to dull the pain of even a million fractures all at once. perfect for a girl still learning to control her own earthquakes, but not so useful for daisy anymore.
as she leaves the bathroom and heads into the kitchen to retrieve the ice as promised, she asks: ] What happened?
[ he doesn't have to tell her everything, but the more she knows, the better she can help. ]
And who is "she"?
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I don't know. [ and he's not being deliberately obtuse. he really has no idea what she'd done. ] She's why I came here in the first place.
[ he wanted information. he'd wanted something on this woman to help them. ] Reeva Payge. She runs the Inner Circle. I was there, trying to get Lorna to come back. And she...turned my own powers on me. I felt like I was dying.
[ that was not an exaggeration. he'd managed to burn one of the frosts and then reeva had swept in and whatever she'd done had been the worst pain of his life. the absolute worst. ]
I've never felt anything like it. [ and he doesn't want to feel it ever again. ]
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the sleeve is mangled, frayed along the outline of the burn. even with marcos pushing it away, the shreds of fabric tangle inside the wound. it looks painful. beyond painful. daisy hesitates for a moment before leaning forward, her hands delicately avoiding direct contact with the wound. ]
I'm sorry about Lorna. [ she doesn't like lorna, but she knows what lorna means to him. she's not callous enough to wish the woman pain or injury just because of dislike. ] And I'm sorry to ask, but ... [ her fingertips skim to the topmost button of his shirt. ] I think we have to take this off.
[ she knows what it sounds like. but it's not what she means. not this time. ]
May I?
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Go ahead. [ he knows he doesn't have to say be careful because she can see his arm. yanking his shirt off him roughly is just going to aggravate the burn and piss him off and haven't they had enough of that tonight? ]
Lorna's made her choice. [ for now. he's not giving up on her but he can't go back there without having something on reeva payge. something that might combat her voice and then, the abilities of the frosts to boot. ]
My priority now is making sure everyone else is safe. [ except himself, obviously. ]
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the sight isn't unfamiliar. it twinges something in her memory, a warmth low in her belly that's both unasked for and unhelpful. she can't think about that right now.
better to focus her attentions on the wound itself. a cool sterile cloth, soaked through with cold water from the fridge and further chilled by the ice it's been resting on, gently lays atop the burn. it'll sting, sizzling even, but after a moment, the pain will give way to numbness. ]
Here. Two of these. No more.
[ the bottle of medication and a glass of water next, handed over with one hand while the other presses the cloth in place. thanks to fitzsimmons' genius work, the pills should put a damper on the nervous system's pain receptors, while still allowing him to remain in focus and alert. ]
When you're ready, we'll bandage you up.
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then, he takes the offered painkillers and downs them without water. he doesn't need them and he wants them to start working as soon as possible. he blinks his eyes open, finally focusing a little more than he'd been doing while she'd been touching his arm.
he realizes, then, that he's sitting there without his shirt, on her couch, and she's close. he's suddenly grateful for his skin tone because she'd be able to see the flush if not. he swallows and flexes his hand a bit. there's still pain but it's dulled significantly already. ]
I'm good. I can take it. Go ahead.
[ better to get it done with so he can try and put it out of his mind. ]
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[ she tries to be quick. thankfully, he doesn't have any deep cuts or other sutures that would require stitches; the process of applying fresh, clean bandages is more of a juggling act than anything else, hands deftly switching between keeping the gauze in place and unraveling the medical tape that will take over for her hands-free.
eventually, all is in place, a pattern of zigzagging tape and gauze creating a thin barrier along his arm. it looks worse than it is — but if she remembers anything about mutant bodies, it'll heal given enough time. and, perhaps, enough energy to do so. the worst of it is over. ]
There. [ a hand drapes fingertips from his upper arm down to his wrist; if she's wrapped him up well, and if the drugs have kicked in, it should only tingle slightly, like nails along the scalp ] Is that better?
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goddammit, he'd thought those feelings were dead and buried. she'd thrown him out and he'd walked away and he'd just become angry and bitter about the whole thing. he'd locked that part of himself away despite john and clarice trying to get him to talk about it.
and now here he was, back in her living room, sans his shirt and shivering. ]
It's fine. Thank you.
[ it doesn't feel like his arm's going to fall off anymore. ]
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[ a small, soft smile curves across her mouth, relief washing away some of the nerves that were tangled up in her stomach. some. the rest still linger as she peers up at him, her eyes taking in all the parts of him she'd long since memorized.
he looks good. it'd be stupid to ignore that. stress and danger keeps them all thin, and she's pleased to see he hasn't shaved the beard she'd found so much pleasure in running her fingers through. but now's not the time or the place — even though the couch used to be the place, didn't it, if the memories that have started to flit through the back of her mind are anything to judge by — to restoke that fire.
even if, right now, it's extremely tempting to lean up on her knees and close that gap. ]
You probably shouldn't take painkillers on an empty stomach, though, and I'm pretty sure the Inner Circle's not in the habit of feeding its enemies. [ correct her if she's wrong, but she's sure she's not. ] Plus, I can't exactly get to work on an empty stomach.
[ he did come here for information, after all. ]
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I haven't eaten in awhile. [ maybe since last night? he tends to leave the food for those that really need it and only eat when he can't avoid it. ]
I could eat. [ and it sounds like he was going to be made to eat too especially if she was going to be his caregiver for the moment. ] Guess I should so I don't end up sick.
[ but that would be one way to make sure that he didn't get tempted to...stop keeping his distance because that was already happening. ]
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[ a twinge of guilt dampens her smile. memories of so many fights — about shield, about daisy's part in it, about the relative luxury she lived in here versus what the underground had at their disposal. especially after being fractured by lorna's departure and the loss of so many good men and women. there had been so many times that daisy had wanted to walk into their warehouse with arms full of food and supplies, but without their agreement, she'd never have made it in the doors.
but maybe that could change. maybe they could work together, and those that still were in need could be cared for. like marcos, tonight, over chinese food and the lull of whatever program he wanted to watch, with the power of the remote she sets in his hands. ]
I'll get enough for you to take some back with you. A hot meal might change their minds, right? [ it's not that simple, but it's an easy kindness to give. daisy remembers what it's like to not have enough to eat. ] It shouldn't take long.
[ and thanks to the magic of the internet, it doesn't even require moving. just a few taps on her phone, and all's done. she even splurges for express delivery. ]
Do you want to, um. [ should she get up? now that dressing wounds and tending care isn't the primary objective, she can't help but recognize the sense of deja vu in being on her knees in front of him on her couch. daisy, stop. ] There's a million channels. I'm sure there's something to watch.
[ and yet... she doesn't immediately move. rooted to the spot, face tipped up towards him, unable to tear her gaze away again. ]
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I guess it couldn't hurt. [ and he thought maybe he'd owe them after doing a disappearing act. he was going to have to at least text john so he didn't start breaking walls and freaking out. ]
You don't need to entertain me. [ the words are soft, quiet while her gaze catches his and he holds it. it's a bad idea, his brain says. there's no guarantee here. it could all go wrong especially if john doesn't want to work with them. would she throw him out again, blame him for turning her down?
it's a bad idea but he can't stop thinking about it. he's managed to put her out of mind sometimes but she'd always come back, a sudden thought because of something he'd seen, a dream to help him sleep better. it was always something. ]
You don't need to do anything. [ she's already done enough. ]
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but it's not just an innocent person. it's marcos, and the weight of their past hangs over every movement she makes. it lingers in her memories, it prompts words she swallows down, it suggests actions she's neither brave nor self-indulgent enough to make. like closing the gap between them, like cradling his face in her hands, like whispering his name the way she has a million times before. marcos, she wants to say, and the three words she used to always follow it up with. but those words can't be said anymore.
she has to say something else. anything else. ]
I — [ but the words don't come out right away, because his gaze doesn't leave hers. there's a hush to the air, a silence that falls over both of them, until he breaks it again. you don't need to do anything. the spell breaks, and daisy frowns. ] I would do anything for you, Marcos.
[ truth, simple and bare. no laughter, no teasing, no double entendre twisting the definition of her words. just honest emotion. a confession. ]
I never stopped wanting to.
[ never stopped doing a lot of things. ]
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and then it had ended up and it nearly killed him. he'd shut down for awhile after that, letting only a few people in. time passed and wounds healed but now, here he was, back again and feeling that all too familiar tug of attraction and desire and want and something else. something deeper, something more.
it was still there. he hadn't healed. he'd just buried those feelings to try and keep going.
without thinking too much, marcos finds himself sliding off the couch and down beside her, in front of her, whatever. his knees hit the carpet and he's careful not to jostle his bandaged arm too much but words like that, her words, her face, her everything are too hard to resist. he doesn't touch though.
not yet. ]
You said I ruined your life.
[ there's no accusation but curiosity. a question. if she was still feeling something, wasn't she afraid of that happening again? ]
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Losing you ruined my life, Marcos. [ a critical distinction. how could he ever think he ruined her life? ] And it was my fault. I was so stubborn, so goddamn hurt and stubborn and afraid, I just let you walk away.
[ she'd regretted it every day since, but hadn't known how to fix it. hadn't known how to swallow her pride enough to ask for a second chance. ]
Losing you, losing ... all of this? Worrying about you, wondering if you were okay, searching the news every day for any reports of mutant deaths or Sentinel Services or... god, any of it. I had old contacts from Rising Tide check in on you guys, make sure your electric bills got paid off; I had Mack use his old connections in Atlanta to ask the local cops to steer clear of the warehouse... I never, never stopped worrying about you. That ruined my life.
[ her words are rushed, frenetic; there's a desperate edge to them, as she tries to clear all the fog from her mind that comes with all the memories of those horrible first few weeks without him. where she'd just laid in bed and cried, curled up in her bunk on the zephyr, unable to do much of anything but drown in the misery of it all. jemma had brought her tea and soup, fitz had brought her battery packs for her laptop, but mostly... everyone had just steered clear. a hurt, emotional inhuman with the power to fracture the earth wasn't one you wanted to upset any further by saying the wrong thing. ]
Being with you was the happiest I think I've ever been. You didn't ruin anything. I did.
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he'd been wrong. he'd been incredibly wrong. ]
I'm sorry. [ he looks down, embarrassed and guilty that she'd done so much and he'd been spending his time seething, angry and upset that she'd turned her back just because he'd disagreed with her.
he sighs and it's a shaky thing, a strained thing. but, he also reaches across the small bit of space between them and curls two of his fingers around her hand. the smallest, slightest bit of a peace offering. or a signal that he heard her heart and his was doing the same thumping beat against his ribcage. ] I didn't know.
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[ her hand is shaky against his, rotating in his grip to squeeze back. there's a breath caught in her throat, an uncomfortable anxiety rolling in her belly; the uncertainty of everything leaves her feeling a little light-headed. like the floor was going to slip out from underneath her. ]
I would do it all over again, if it meant keeping you safe.
[ true. no lie detector test needed, no bright lights shone in her eyes to discourage dishonesty. she'd have done it a million times over, if necessary, to protect him. to protect all of them, the inhumans and the mutants and their loved ones, from the people who only wished them harm. from sentinel services, from the watchdogs, from the purifiers. from anyone who seethed and hissed freak under their breath when someone different walked past on the street.
for marcos, she'd do anything. like let him into her apartment after months of silence, like abandon her night off to nurse him back to health, like send him home with arms full of food just to make sure everyone else got some. it didn't matter that they weren't together anymore. some things just don't change. ]
I'm the one who should apologize. I... I expected so much of you. Things you could never have given, promises you couldn't have kept. [ her frown grows a little more pronounced, though her hand clings tight to his. ] I'm sorry. For everything.
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or was this just residual feelings? things they'd never fully let go of and now that they were face to face again were coming to the surface? he doesn't know the answer to that. he knows what answer he wants it to be but he doesn't know the real answer. ]
I still love you. [ it's a leap he feels like he has to take. he'd tried to forget those feelings, tried to convince himself that he didn't but it hadn't worked. nothing had worked and so he's kneeling there in front of her, feeling those emotions bloom once again, sliding over him like a comfortable blanket. ]
I never really stopped. [ he shrugs and looks a little shy about that. ] You don't have to say anything. I just wanted you to know.
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i still love you. she doesn't know whether to say it back or pull away, whether to laugh or cry, whether to squeeze his hand hard enough to imprint the patterns of her skin on to his or run away while she still has a chance. because if she says it back, what then? what options do they have?
to be together, to be a hurricane of emotions that threatened to take the other out, or to not, and suffer apart? no good answer, really, but daisy knew which one she wanted. fuck the consequences.
her hand slips out of his, a regrettable necessity in order to cup his face in her hands, thumbs brushing soft against the stubble of his cheeks. so close. he can probably feel her breath as she exhales, hot and shaky. ]
I couldn't have stopped if I tried. And I did, I tried so hard, but it never worked. I never stopped loving you.
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but, she does. she still does and he smiles for the first time in what seems like weeks. months. maybe longer. he leans forward and rests his forehead against hers, nuzzling into her hand. ]
Don't make me leave if -- [ if john made the decision to not work together. he wants to hope that maybe they can figure something out this time but if they don't, he doesn't want to have to leave again. ]
We'll figure something out if that happens. [ he'd do anything he could to make that happen. ]
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